


no matter how long it takes

by sunnysidechen



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Children, Drunk Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Infidelity, Kinks, Light BDSM, M/M, More detailed tags in notes, Mpreg, Oral Sex, Parenthood, Post-War, Public Sex, Sex, Sex Toys, Smut, Temporary Character Death, Unprotected Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26874751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnysidechen/pseuds/sunnysidechen
Summary: Chanyeol fought for 10 years, miraculously coming out of it alive at the end of it. He only has one person in mind though, but soon finds out that while he didn't, the rest of the world, including Jongdae, has moved on.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Oh Sehun, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 29
Kudos: 54
Collections: EXO on Ice Round 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #EOI177: Thirty-year-old Chanyeol finally returns home after being away in war for 10 years. Excited to meet his beloved Jongdae again, Chanyeol runs through the heavy snow only to learn that Jongdae has been married.  
> Distraught with the revelation, Chanyeol hides his return from Jongdae. However, they do meet when Chanyeol helps a kid stranded in snow to return to his papa. Jongdae was both shocked and thrilled to meet his lost lover - who was presumed dead - and the father of his twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry that there are too many (sexual) tags that I decided to tag them in the notes instead, but the important ones are already tagged above!  
> This was a monster I did not expect to write, so I hope everyone enjoys! Happy holidays!
> 
> I forgot to add now that the fest is over but I'm ever so thankful for my beta-reader Niss, who's always supported me in every of my stories and hyped all of them too! I enjoyed all her comments while she read through my story, and needed the push from her to submit this! 💞
> 
> Tags:  
> Mentions of death

Stepping into the familiar, yet completely different Apex Airport, Chanyeol would have never thought to be back in his home country in one piece… or back home alive. Just by the looks of this gigantic terminal as well as the outsides that he had seen through the airplane windows, he knows this city he used to call home, wouldn’t feel it anymore, and he would need some time to get used to. It doesn’t matter anyway, home is where the heart is, right? And his heart belongs, and has always belonged to the love of his life, and Chanyeol could not wait to go _home_.

The army had chartered a bus to send their former soldiers to the common train stations, and Chanyeol was bound for Arendelle, so he placed his one bag into the luggage compartment, and boarded the bus. Even the bus looks new and it even had air conditioning, wow. He was too excited to return, to finally unite with _him_ , and although he dreads this 3 hour trip, Chanyeol had waited 10 years. What is 3 hours more?

As he steps out of the bus, finally, he breathes in the piercing cold, November air, a vast difference to the polluted air he is very much used to. Wow, even the bus terminal was renovated and became bigger, he observed. Christmas decorations make the atmosphere all too festive, and Chanyeol feels festive for the first time in a decade. 

His return was a little sudden - the army finally releasing him after 10 years away since the war has finally ended and they’re not needed anymore. They even sent him back in time for his favourite, and in his own opinion, most romantic holiday, Christmas; it was the _perfect_ time, although it's more than a month away. Also, luckily for him, they had also provided him a place to stay in Arendelle, considering he had no one else here. His parents and brothers were long gone, and he had little immediate family that he remembers, and he doubts they remember him as well. He’s coming home to no one but one person, and his body is pumped up with too much adrenaline that he doesn’t think he can sleep.

Chanyeol used to walk everywhere, so when he has to learn to take public transport to get to his destination, he gets a little confused. It was extremely cold, just like Arendelle always is, but nothing could faze him anymore. After what he had gone through the past few years, it feels like nothing can break him. He boards the public bus, according to the directions, it’s only a couple of stops away, and pays the driver. On top of the apartment, he gets allowance as well, enough to sustain till he gets a job here, hopefully.

It was quaint. The furniture was basic, but at least there’s a bed, and that’s more than enough for him. He puts his bags down and sighs; as much as he’s excited to reunite with his lover, he thinks it’s better to rest for the day after travelling for 3 days. He stretches his long limbs out and opens the fridge, which was stocked, and then the wardrobe, which had some clothes too. He guesses it’s some compensation or reward for fighting for Apex, and he’s thankful for it. He makes some simple dinner for himself before lying around and figuring out how to use a phone. Today, he rests. Tomorrow awaits the start of something new.

* * *

Arendelle has really changed, Chanyeol thinks again. The roads are completely different, and the entire city is much more modernised than the last time he was here 10 years ago. A decade is a long time, and Chanyeol truly thinks back as to how much he has missed. The war had been extremely violent and ruthless, especially the last few years, and he personally had not one, but at least 6 times where he had near-death experiences. With that, he could never return, having to fight for his life almost every single day, that by the 5th month at the field, he got used to it. Who knew he’d live this life for the next 10 years?

He doesn’t know how well he can adapt to this new environment, this new _life,_ but he reckons with the right person to guide him back on track, he would be all good. The last time he talked to _him,_ was right before he left a decade ago. They had promised each other to return into the other’s arms, no matter how long it takes, and Chanyeol is so excited to finally keep his promise. They couldn’t write letters or call each other; technology wasn’t advanced in the beginning, and when they could, Chanyeol hadn’t know the other’s address or number, plus, he had to keep moving bases and fight everyday, so even if he did, he wouldn’t have time to contact the other. He hopes this promise would be strong enough for them both.

Walking down to see if there are any florist shops in town before he finds his way back to _him_ would be better if he had more layers of clothes, some gloves and heat packs, but then the cold couldn’t have bothered him much anyway now that it was a little while more till he reunited with his lover. He finally found one, putting together a simple bouquet of sunflowers and dandelions, before heading to the town hall to see if he could get any information. 

They only could give him so much information, but the receptionist lends him the book of yellow pages once Chanyeol remembers a crucial detail: Jongdae’s family owns a bakery, so hopefully it still exists and he could find him there. He quickly looks through and hits the jackpot.

_Kim’s Confectionery and Bakes_

He takes down the address, the receptionist kind enough to give him exact directions, and off Chanyeol goes. The journey should take him less than an hour, and he bounces on his feet as he taps into the station and boards the train.

He got out at the specific exit and started to walk towards the supposed direction. He needed to end up at a street where there would be a big Christmas tree at the front of it. He walks and walks, finally seeing this said tree ten minutes later, and from there on, it’s only a 5-minute walk.

Too excited for his own good, Chanyeol started jogging, even when he belatedly realises that the snow has picked up since he left the station. Again, anything else be damned when he’s _this_ close to reuniting with his own true love. The snow by his feet flew as he continued jogging in the wet snow, and he finally sees it. He stops in his tracks, takes one deep breath, smiling so widely while fixing himself, it’s finally time.

But barely a step forward, he chanced upon something he wished he didn’t. Well, he sees someone he’s been waiting for, but he wasn’t alone. Chanyeol’s head turns hard and numb as he sees the man he loves for more than a decade, the one he dedicates his whole heart to, kiss someone else with fervour, before bidding the latter goodbye as he steps into the bakery.

Suddenly, Chanyeol doesn’t feel so festive anymore.

* * *

He keeps the flowers anyway. For someone who’s got enough money just to get by, he knows better than to waste them. The apartment needed some colour anyway. Chanyeol spends his days buying newspapers and looking through them for jobs, going for interviews and buying the necessities, which means more jackets and gloves. The cold is piercing now, and Chanyeol thinks that the cold is something he didn’t really miss while away. 

He also tries his best to cover himself up well in plain clothes, so as to not stand out in any case he bumps into Jongdae, someone he knows. Yes, he made sure to actively avoid the other, too heartbroken and devastated to even sneak a glance at him, even when his heart wants to. Thankfully, he doesn’t see him whenever he goes out, and day by day, he gets a little less paranoid. He knows how small the town of Arendelle is, and really, with just one turn of his body, he could bump literally into anyone.

Chanyeol had gotten hired 3 weeks after the incident to do some administration and data-entry for his new workplace. The pay is good enough for him, and the hours were the normal 9-5. He doesn’t really have any particular job or path he wants to go to, so he guesses this job will do for now, in any case, he does find some interests along the way. 

Needing to get groceries, he traveled to the store nearby his house since it would be easier to get home. The snow has receded a little, but it was still heavy, and Chanyeol curses the weather. It was gloomy and depressing, and although he completely understands it since he feels exactly the same way, it reminds him of his heartbreak rather than the cold temperature itself. The Christmas atmosphere is now long gone, even as he steps into the fully-decorated store.

He buys what he needs, and now hands full of groceries, he heads out to see a group of carolers. He stops and watches them for a while, trying to absorb just a little bit of Christmas energy, but to no avail. Sighing, he starts walking away, since the snowing picked up.

He covers himself with the scarf as he carefully crosses the street, suddenly stopping in his tracks when he hears some sniffling. Chanyeol turns around and sees a little boy - maybe 8/9 years old? - crouched in the corner. He walks towards him.

“Hey. Are you lost?” He asks softly, putting down the bags and bending down to the boy’s height.

“Mhmm,” he nodded, “Papa told me not to play around, b-but I did and now I can’t f-find him! Help me find him, Mister!” The boy started crying and hugged the taller man; Chanyeol guessed he felt a little cold and lost waiting for his father.

“Are you cold?” Chanyeol feels a nod on his shoulder and immediately removes his outer jacket. It was definitely big, but it should fit him snug until they find his father. “Now, where were you from?”

“F-from there!” The boy towards the main shopping street, and he gets up on his feet. Carrying his bags in one hand, he held the other boy’s hand.

“What’s your name? I’m Uncle Chanyeol.”

“My name is Junho! Kim Junho!” **_Kim?_ **The surname caught Chanyeol a little off guard until he realises it’s a very common nickname, calming down a little after that.

“Okay Junho, we will go and look for your dad now, okay?” Junho nodded and led the way, as best as he could for such a tiny person pulling a giant. The street was crowded, of course it was, considering it was a couple of weeks to Christmas, so highly likely, people are buying presents or are just on holiday.

“Mister, why are you so tall?” Junho asks, looking up at him as they wait to cross the road.

“Um… my parents were tall, so now I am too?” He answers, not knowing how exactly to reply to that.

“Oh! Papa is short, aww… Does that mean I’ll be short too?”

He shakes his head, “Of course not. Just drink a lot of milk, I guess. And eat your vegetables?”

“I’m already doing that!” Junho bounces on his feet happily, eyes wide with excitement. The light turns green and they cross the street. Chanyeol held onto the other tight as they pushed through the crowd. It was a little warmer from all the human heat, but it’s definitely snowing harder. He needs to quickly find this boy’s father before he-

“Junnie!” Junho pulls back the other’s hand at that, before his sight zooms in on the figure coming towards him.

“Papa!” The boy beside him lets go of Chanyeol’s hold and crashes into his father, but Chanyeol could do nothing but stay frozen where he was. He watches the reunion in a daze, and he knew he should really just get out of there, but he just… couldn’t. The father scolds his son a little before standing up straight and heading towards the man that helped his son. Oh no. The former soldier finally wakes up and snaps out of it, turning around and quickly walking away. His apartment was on the opposite side, but he just wanted to find a quick escape.

“Hello? Sir? Hold on for us please!” Chanyeol hears as he walks, and walks, eventually, making a right turn in hopes to deter the chaser. “Uncle Chanyeol!” He hears, and that’s when he knew he was fucked. The boy screams again, “Uncle Chanyeol!” and is joined by another girl’s voice.

“Uncle Chanyeol! Wait for us!” He wasn’t giving up though, so he continued walking faster and not looking at where he was going. Unfortunately, he reaches a red light, and has to stop because if he ventures off even more, he would’ve definitely lost his way.

“Uncle Chanyeol! Why did you run away from us?!” Junho asks as he catches up to them, holding down Chanyeol’s arm with all his little might.

“Ah… I needed to g-get home…” Chanyeol shivers, since when did he get this cold? He hears other footsteps getting nearer, and looks down, pulling up his scarf to cover his face. Junho’s father had other plans though, and he finally entered Chanyeol’s line of sight. Even when he’s looking down, he couldn’t mistake the other’s feet.

“Ch...Chanyeol? Is th-that you?”

Chanyeol shakes his head, muffling and speaking as softly as possible, “You’ve got the wrong person. I have t-to go.”

“Wait!” He feels his arm being held by another hand now, and he sinks down even further. 

“The scarf… It’s you, Ch-Chanyeol-ah,” Jongdae shakily breathes out, “I gave you that scarf.” Chanyeol looks down, and crap, Jongdae’s right. He shakes his head though, “Wrong pers-”

“I k-know that scarf from anywhere. I made it for you, so it’s one of a kind,” he sniffled, chuckling a little, and being much stronger than his son and Chanyeol combined, Jongdae pulls all of them away from the crowd.

Somehow, the kids ended up in their car and Chanyeol was left standing outside like he’s being punished, Jongdae not letting go of him for even a second.

“Yeol… Look at me,” Jongdae begs. Of course, being the stubborn one he is, Chanyeol keeps looking down, and didn’t expect for the older man to cup his face, forcing the other to look at him. Jongdae pulls down the scarf covering his face and caresses the bare skin, giving Chanyeol the chills, and it wasn’t from the weather.

“Chan-ah… My sweet Channie…” Chanyeol could see the other’s eyes start to well up before Jongdae threw his arms around him, “They… they told me you were dead.” He sniffled, and he could feel the older’s body shake. Chanyeol’s arms were still at his sides, not knowing what to do as Jongdae squeezed him tighter. 

“I thought you were dead, I thought you were not…” Jongdae choked, “I thought you were never coming back…” He goes on his tippy-toes, thinking he can get any closer to the other, Jongdae now full-on sobbing. “I saw your…” Jongdae hugs him even tighter, “I saw your n-name… My Yeollie…”

“Saw my name… where?” He manages to whisper out, arms still by his side.

“I-in the papers, 7 years ago? They said you were presumed,” Jongdae sniffles, “Dead.” He finally pulls away, eyes now swollen and red, “I’ve missed you… a lot.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Chanyeol choked out. He didn’t want to, considering Jongdae is now with someone else and with kids, but he slipped.

“They really said you were dead… Am I dreaming?” Jongdae caresses his cheeks, making Chanyeol chuckle and naturally pinches the other’s cheeks too.

He realises only a second later, pulling away, “Ah, sorry.”

“We used to do that, I remember.” It was a little habit of theirs; Chanyeol would always say he’s dreaming whenever he was with Jongdae, and the latter would playfully pinch his cheeks, _“Well?! Are you dreaming now?”_

Jongdae cups Chanyeol’s face again, seemingly wiping off the tears the latter didn’t know were there. “Ah… I can’t believe you’re here. My baby…” That seemingly woke Chanyeol up from his fantasy when he pulled away.

“Jongdae… the other day… I saw you with someone else… And you have kids so I’m,” Chanyeol clears his throat, “I’m guessing you’re married now?”

“Ah. Yes, I got married just a year ago," Jongdae says, a little embarrassed. 

“Oh.” Chanyeol looks down, “I got to go home. The groceries…”

“Wait! Where did you see me? How long have you been back? Where are you staying now?”

“I… I have to go…” Chanyeol nervously shuffles on his feet and slowly starts to walk away when Jongdae stops him again, “At least let me send you back, Yeollie.” Chanyeol shakes his head, bows and bolted out of there.

* * *

Chanyeol coughs as he gets into his apartment, turning up the heat. He places the groceries where they should be and sits on the sofa to recollect himself. It was a fairly close call, but he needs to keep his guard up again. He strips himself off all the layers and boils some water. He takes a hot shower before he gets sick and dries himself up properly. Before he could pour himself a drink though, there were multiple knocks on the door. He pours some anyway, so as to dissolve the chocolate powder and goes to the door. He was a little surprised to see who was at the door.

“Hi.” 

“Hello.” Chanyeol closes the door behind him a little and looks down at Jongdae. It’s cute that they have the height difference still after a decade, but that’s not important right now.

“I, um… On the way back, we saw you here. I dropped the kids off and came back because Junho said he still had your jacket,” Jongdae quickly rattles out. Ah, right. His jacket.

“Thanks,” he held his hands out for the jacket and when he got it, he instantly closed the door on the older one but of course Jongdae had faster reflexes.

“Wait, Yeol. Please. I want to talk to you,” Jongdae begged.

“I… I don’t think it’s a good id-.”

“Yeol, I’m sorry I broke our promise.” That stumped the younger man and he freezes. “I can show you, where they said you were dead. There was a big attack, and that everyone was presumed dead. I kept the newspaper clipping, always have. It’s right here.”

Chanyeol hesitates for a while, before sighing and opening the door.

And that was how they ended up at opposite ends of the small couch. In his hands, Chanyeol held an old newspaper with the headline ‘BIG ATTACK BY CORONA CAUSES MASS CASUALTIES.’ Corona was their main enemy at that point of time, until they surrendered months later.

The article continued depicting the ambush at Apex’s major camps, one which included Chanyeol’s. His name was clearly written right there too, under ‘Presumed Dead’; a strongly-bolded ‘Park Chanyeol’. He remembers that day vividly:

_“Yeah, my girl and my baby are waiting for me back at home. 2 more months,” one of his closest bunkmates, Kris, sighed, excited to be going home soon._

_“I don’t even know when I can return.”_

_“Got a girl back home too?”_

_“A guy,” Chanyeol shyly smiles. God, he misses Jongdae._

_“Cool. We have people to go home too. Not everyone can say that.”_

_“Ain’t that right?” He held the one picture he had of Jongdae, and vowed to return home to him._

_“Hey! Maybe when we go back, we c-” Before Kris could finish his sentence though, there was a deafening explosion and Chanyeol felt himself flying away. He landed hard on his left arm, and only sees grey, coughing hard because of the smoke around him. His first thought is: Jongdae. Even when he couldn’t really see anything, he feels the familiar texture of the picture he would’ve usually kept by his pillow and hugs it close to his chest. His next thought was, “Kris!” He gets up as best as he could, even with the strong wind of dust and debris in his way, covering his eyes._

_Chanyeol calls loudly, “Kris? Kris!” He fights through the dark, not even realising his left arm and left side of his head were profusely bleeding. He knew how excited Kris was to go home, to his family, and he was darned if Kris wouldn’t go back alive. His head starts to spin, and before he goes fully black, he makes sure to tuck the picture safe inside his pocket, only one thought in his mind._

_(He finds out after that Kris did not survive the attack. Chanyeol was one of the 9 that did.)_

“They found me breathing… The ones who survived… None of them were the Chiefs or Commanders, all just normal soldiers. They were all dead. The 9 who did, we kind of made our way discreetly throughout the town for 3 months, before we found another Apex base camp. Guess they didn’t bother to tell the town since we were immediately put to fight on the field, thinking we’d die again, maybe,” Chanyeol shrugged. Jongdae increasingly gets pale as Chanyeol tells his story and by the end of it, the former was shaking and sobbing into his hands.

The former soldier just stood frozen, not knowing whether it was appropriate or not to comfort the other. It took awhile for Jongdae to cool down, only for him to say, “The past 7 years… The past 7 years I’ve felt nothing but heartbroken and numb, the last one year especially ridden with guilt when all this time you are alive.” He chuckles sadly, “It was already difficult enough without you for ten years, but to know now that you were alive this whole time I thought you were dead… I don’t even know what to think.” Chanyeol didn’t know what to say.

“Why…” Jongdae chokes, “Why didn’t you tell me that you came back? Especially since you saw me. Do you not love me anymore?”

 _That hurt, because there was never a day Chanyeol didn’t think about and didn’t love Jongdae._ “I still do,” he felt it wasn’t wise to say ‘love’ to a married man, “But you are someone else’s now, and I don’t want to be a homewrecker. I wanted you to continue living your own life like you’d always have for the last 10 years… without me.”

“Yeol, I’ve already done that for a decade. I would always want to have you back in my life in a heartbeat. I've always thought… If I could see you for just a second, if I could have you back in my arms, I would do absolutely anything. There are so many things I would’ve done differently: stop you from going on the train, get on the train with you one way or another. Anything to be with you again. To have seen you one last time.”

“Dae, I…”

“Why didn’t you tell me you came back?!” Jongdae chokes out, sobbing. Realisation starts to set in, he repeats the same thing again, a little angry now, hitting Chanyeol in the chest. “Why didn’t you tell me you came back?!” They both stood in silence for a few minutes, before Jongdae leaned back, “The day I’ve longed for actually came but I can’t help but just be so angry at you. You don’t love me anymore,” he says the last part softly.

Chanyeol closes his eyes, “I do. I did for the last ten years, and I do now.”

“Then why won’t you say it? Say you love me right now, Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol widens his eyes at the request, “I… I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Jongdae says in a tone of disbelief, “You tell me you do, but you can’t say it? Chan-”

“I can’t because you’re not mine, Jongdae!” Chanyeol bursts out, “You’re not mine anymore. Which makes it fucking terrifying because my heart has always been with you and is still with you, but I don’t have yours anymore.” He couldn’t handle it anymore, crying out loud, “I can’t because you’re not mine anymore, don’t you get it?!” That outburst seemed to shut Jongdae up as he curled into himself. Chanyeol takes a deep breath and recollects himself, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean t-”

“I love you.” Pause. “I never st-stopped. But I… I know I’m married to someone else right now, and I love him too.” Jongdae sniffles. Chanyeol’s heart breaks again and again, reality settling in that he’s lost the only person who mattered, the only person he lives for. But one thing was confusing though.

“Your… children. They are...?"

“Ah. Hmm.” Jongdae seems to contemplate something, “Junho and Miyeon… They’re… they’re y-yours.” Chanyeol sat up straight and widened his eyes again. He knew that the sole reason Jongdae couldn’t enlist was because he could get pregnant, so he was exempted from the military. So this means that… he has unknowingly been a father for 10 years and the worst parts were that he wasn’t there for Jongdae the entire time he was pregnant and he wasn’t there for the first 10 years of the twins’ lives. Still holding onto the newspaper clipping, he places it on the table, overwhelmed with all this information he’s given.

“I found out I was pregnant about a month after you left, but I had no way to tell you. I tried asking around when they said we could start sending letters or whatnot but… that was when the attack happened. Everyday I lived in regret that I couldn’t even tell the father of children about them.” Jongdae took out his wallet and then a small picture from it, “They looked just like you when you were a baby. Heck, even Junho’s a carbon copy of you still.” He shows Chanyeol the picture of the twins when they were toddlers, and it reminded him of the one picture he had when he was a baby. The person who has it now is -

“Here. I still have your picture.” Jongdae passes him the exact picture he was thinking about, and sighs. It’s true, they indeed looked like him.

Both eyes now red and swollen, they decided it was best to leave the day as it is.

“Let’s meet again, Chanyeol-ah. Oh how I’ve missed you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: Oral sex, Public Sex, Handjobs

Jongdae had given him his number, and never asked for his. Maybe because he wanted to give Chanyeol the liberty to contact him? He doesn’t know. Chanyeol had stuck the number onto the pinboard, not taking it down into his phone just yet. It's been a little more than a week, but he only stares at the number every night, not doing anything else.

He had started his job after, the working atmosphere very different as to what he’s used to; not needing to be on guard all the time, not needing to look behind your back for enemies, not needing to carry a 10kg weight on your back. It was just sitting down behind the desk and typing in numbers into the big desktop. It’s quiet, a little too quiet for his liking, but that’s fine. After a decade of hearing explosions after explosions, shouting all around the clock, he wanted a new norm.

He’s made a couple of friends there, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Jongin, in particular, and he’s thankful they are nice to him. The first week was tough there, trying to adapt, and it does get tiring just sitting and staring at the screen the entire day doing the same thing, but work is work.

“Hey newbie, Boss wants to see you,” his manager, Yixing, informs him. “He’s nice, just go down the hall and knock on his door.” Chanyeol nods and does as he’s told, and soon finds himself in front of a slightly familiar person. He couldn’t put a name to his face though.

“Hi, I’m Oh Sehun. You might know me as Jongdae’s husband.” Ah, there it is.

“Good afternoon, Sir. I’m Park Chanyeol. Please treat me well.”

“I know who you are.” Sehun stands up and walks towards Chanyeol, “Jongdae-hyung doesn’t really like to talk about you much but… the twins. They’re yours,” he states as a matter-of-fact.

“Um, yes.”

“Hyung explained everything to me. Of course I wouldn’t disallow you from seeing your own children, so you can come by anytime,” Sehun smiles, “Welcome home.”

Chanyeol only gives him a small smile.

It seems like the already weird day didn't stop there. Just as he was about to exit the building, he was stopped by none other than Jongdae himself.

"You didn't call me."

"Um."

"I told the kids about you. Sehun knows too."

"Ah," he knows that Sehun knows, obviously, "Okay."

"They would like to meet you. They want to get to know their other dad."

"Oh. Um…"

"Do you not want to meet your children?" Jongdae asks, Chanyeol not missing the look of hurt on his face.

"I… I do. I'm just not ready yet, that's why I hadn't called you either."

"Oh. Okay, yeah, makes sense. Feel free to take your time but… not too long yeah? The twins have been asking about you for the longest of times, and I don't want them to wait any longer either."

"Okay. I'll try."

He is thankful that the latter didn't push him any further, nor ‘ambush’ him anywhere anymore. While he did want to get to know more about his own children, he’s not entirely sure he’s ready yet. It’s one thing to know you’ve been a father all this while, it’s another to feel the guilt and sadness of not being there for them or Jongdae. More so, he still feels overwhelmed by the influx of information he was given, and he would need some time to get used to. He had spent his birthday alone, but when a knock sounded through his house and there was nothing but a bag of pastries that he loved, with a small ‘Happy birthday!’ in familiar handwriting, Chanyeol doesn’t even have to think about who could’ve brought him this.

* * *

It was now the start of December, the weather got colder, forcing Chanyeol to buy another thick jacket. He goes to the mall on the weekend, a little crowded but it was a very fast ‘touch-and-go’ situation. But of course, luck has it that he bumps into a certain family he was avoiding in the first place.

“Uncle Chanyeol! Hello!” Junho comes up to him and hugs his legs, “You’re tall!” He just smiles as he puts down the coat he was looking at, it was expensive anyway.

“Hello,” he says as he watches his twin sister and his parents walk towards them. Feeling very put on the spot now, Chanyeol fidgets and shuffles on his feet.

“Christmas shopping?” Sehun asks.

“Uh, no. I… I don’t have anyone to shop for or celebrate with. Buying a jacket for myself since it’s getting really cold out here.”

“Oh, that’s not fun. You should always celebrate Christmas with your family,” Miyeon pouts.

“I… I don’t have any family; they’re not here anymore, or they may have forgotten about me.” He tries not to make any eye contact with Jongdae as the twins gasped, the boy saying, “You should celebrate with us! Papa always cooks a lot of food; Appa and us can never finish them!” _Appa_. Huh. 

“I don’t want to intrude,” before anyone else can say anything, Chanyeol quickly continues, “I have to go. Goodbye," and he walks away. He finds a coat he likes and quickly leaves the mall, not wanting to socialise any longer.

“Jongdae hyung would like you to at least come to lunch with us on Christmas,” Sehun tells him as soon as Chanyeol came into his room.

“Ah, I don’t want to intrude,” he repeats again what he had said the past weekend.

“It’s just lunch.”

Chanyeol sighs softly, to him, Christmas was always to celebrate with your loved ones, so naturally, he would have felt like an outcast joining another family, who barely knows who he is, with Jongdae as an exception, maybe.

“I… I am busy that day. Sorry.” 

“Ah, okay. I’ll let my husband know.” Chanyeol nods as he starts to make his way out, but Sehun stops him again. “I’m being serious.”

Chanyeol gulps, “What about?”

“You can see your children. I want them to get to know their father too.“

 _But you’re their other father now_ , he wanted to say, but settled for only an, “Okay.” He walks out of the room, feeling very disheartened. 

“You told Sehun that you couldn’t come for Christmas.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol blinks, a little shocked to see Jongdae waiting for him at the lobby after work.

“Okay… how about Christmas Eve?” Jongdae asks.

“Jongdae, I-”

“I told the kids about you,” the older interrupts this time. “They don’t really understand, but they would still like to get to know you better. Sehun thinks it’s a good idea for you three to meet too.”

“What… what did you say?”

“They know their other father wasn’t there anymore, and that Sehun would be the one taking care of them too. But now he is back; they’d be confused initially but they are much smarter than we think, they’d understand.”

“Don’t you want to celebrate with your family too, on the 24th?” Chanyeol vividly remembers Jongdae’s family always having a big feast the day before Christmas.

“Yeah, but… it’s not until dinn-”

“Jongdae, _please_ ,” Chanyeol begs, not making any eye contact with the other, “I’m not ready. Not now.”

“Oh, okay yeah. Um, you have my number.”

“I do.”

“Great, um, just… just call me soon, okay?” Chanyeol only nods at that before he was on his way back home.

* * *

“Uncle Chanyeol?” Oh, did Chanyeol miss how small Arendelle is.

“Hi, Miyeon. Where is your brother and father?”

“They’re in the bakery,” Miyeon points a finger at the store. Ah right, Chanyeol forgot he was at the street where it is.

“Oh, right.”

“Come!” She held Chanyeol’s large hand in hers, "I’m sure Papa would give you some free bread and coffee!”

Knowing what Chanyeol likes of course, Jongdae serves him a warm chocolate croissant and a cup of hot lemon tea. The twins were now each sitting beside him as Jongdae sat across from them. This family meeting came much earlier than Chanyeol had thought. Just three days after the lobby ‘ambush’.

“We know you’re our other dad. Papa showed us pictures, we look just like you!” Junho squeals.

“Papa told us you weren’t here because you fought for the country and for us.” Miyeon shyly adds, “Thank you, Uncle Chanyeol!!”

“Yeah, Uncle Chanyeol! You’re a brave and strong man, and I wanna be just like you!!” Junho comments, bouncing on his seat.

“He’s a very _strong_ man, indeed,” Jongdae winked at Chanyeol, before they were interrupted by someone.

“Chanyeol? Is that really you?” At his name, he looks up to see Jongdae’s oldest brother, Minseok, with Jongin right behind him.

“Oh my God, it is you!” Jongin says as he goes over to Chanyeol and gives him a hug from the side. Still speechless at his new nickname, all Chanyeol could do was pat his arm in return, as Minseok’s smile became blinding.

“Welcome home.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey hyung! Why don’t you come to Kim's family dinner? Does Umma and Appa know Chanyeol’s back home?” Jongin excitedly asks, to which the twins agreed. Probably sensing Chanyeol’s discomfort, Jongdae answers, “Hey, let’s give him some space, okay? Maybe he has his own plans too.”

“Well,” Minseok looks at the door, “You’re always welcome back home like you used to. Come on Jongin, we have customers to feed.”

Once the two brothers were gone, Miyeon held Chanyeol’s hand, “Come and celebrate Christmas with us. I wanna celebrate with you too. You’re… you’re our other father, right? Our real one.”

“Yeah!” Junho follows the gesture, “It would be fun! We can eat a lot, then we can watch some movies and play games!”

Jongdae adds, “And make cookies for Santa!”

“Papa! We know Santa’s not real,” Miyeon groans.

The oldest sighs, “You kids grow up too fast.”

“So, Uncle Chanyeol, please? Come and spend Christmas with us.”

The former soldier had no heart to say no.

* * *

Now comes another problem. _What does he buy for Jongdae and the kids? Must he buy a gift for Sehun too?_ He stood at the couch thinking, before deciding he could ask his former lover for some ideas.

 **Chanyeol** : Hi, it’s Chanyeol. What would the twins like for Christmas?

 **Jongdae** : Hello ^^ You don’t have to get them anything. Your presence is enough for them.

 **Chanyeol** : Just give me some idea anyway? 

**Jongdae** : Hmm, maybe some candy? They love sweet things.

 **Chanyeol** : Okay. Thanks. 

This device seems weird in his hands still, but Chanyeol is grateful that it meant not having to ask Jongdae face-to-face. He gets up and layers up, going out to find some nice for the children. His children, wow, he still couldn’t believe it.

He looks around to see what else is nice for the kids, finding some cute stockings with letters on them. He buys the letter, ‘J’ and ‘M’, and after a second thought, he decides to get one for himself and Jongdae as well. It’d be weird to buy for Sehun, he thinks. He goes down the street and finds a candy store, spending a while in it and buying some chocolates and old-school candy he used to love (some for himself too). He thought they’d be cute to place in the stockings, but somehow feels like it’s not enough. He goes through the weekend market and finds little figurines or handmade products sold, buying some not only for the twins, but Jongdae too. He figured that he could also bring some wine that day. He sighs, well, no treat for himself on his first salary.

He buys a nice bag for the gifts before he heads home. It got a little too cold for his liking, so he thinks about the hot stew he was going to cook when he gets home when he sees who was outside his door.

“Hello.”

“Hey…” Chanyeol tries to mirror the other’s smile.

“I accidentally cooked extra food, so I figured I would bring some to you,” Jongdae explains as the other unlocks his house. 

“Okay.” There goes his hot stew idea.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“Nope. I was going to cook dinner,” Chanyeol realises he still has the gifts in hand and quickly tries to hide it, but he fails anyway.

“For the children?”

“Yeah.”

“You really didn’t have to get them anything.”

“It’s fine.” 

“Is it alright if I looked through your kitchen?” When Chanyeol nodded his head, Jongdae went to work. The younger watches as Jongdae looks around for some bowls or utensils.

“The food is still hot, so there’s not really a need to reheat it.” He serves up some rice and soup, as well as some kimchi.

“Ah, water,” Chanyeol suddenly remembers, and goes into the kitchen to get it. They both settled down at the table, Chanyeol curious about one thing.

“Where are the twins and your husband?”

“At home. Sehun’s taking care of them.” 

“Um, then… not to be rude, but why are you here?”

Mid-bite, Jongdae explains, “I figured you’d be lonely. Like I said, I had extra food, so…”

“Your husband is okay with it?”

He nodded, “Yeah.” Chanyeol ignores how weird Jongdae is acting.

“Let’s just… not make this a frequent thing.”

Jongdae looks up, eyebrows furrowed, “Why not?”

“You’re… you’re married. Isn’t it weird to have dinner with another guy?”

“No? You’re my best friend, that would never change, even if we haven’t met for 10 years.”

Chanyeol’s heart fastened at that, he would settle for ‘best friend’ anytime, so long as he had Jongdae by his side, and even if he couldn’t have him the way he wanted.

“Okay.” 

Chanyeol finally picks up his utensils and starts drinking the soup, moaning unconsciously and causing the other to chuckle.

“Sorry, haven’t had homemade meals for a long time.”

“I can always make you some!” Jongdae excitedly volunteers. “You can come over anytime, I always cook extra anyway.”

“Um, I don’t want to intr-”

“Intrude. That’s your favourite word, huh?” Jongdae chuckles.

“I just don’t want to seem like I’m taking advantage of you or… or coming in uninvited.”

“What do you mean? You’re always invited to the bakery or to my house.”

“You’re married.”

“So? Yeol, we’re best fri-”

“We were also lovers, Dae. We dated for almost 5 years before I had to leave. It’s weird, and I feel a little uneasy about it.”

Jongdae widens his eyes and puts down his spoon, “That’s the first time you didn’t call me by my name.”

“Oh.” He’s right, “Sorry.”

“No, no! I want us to be like this. I want us to be like how we used to.” _How does Chanyeol explain that, no, they can’t be what they used to, it’s not possible._ They were lovers, but now they were just mere acquaintances. Chanyeol doesn’t think they can go back to what they were 10 years ago.

They sat quietly for the rest of the meal, and once the dishes Jongdae brought were cleaned, the older was about to go on his way.

“I don’t want you to avoid me. And eventually, I want you to let me in again.”

“I don’t think you ever left, but it seems like I’ve left yours a long time ago.”

“Yeol, that’s not true. You were dead, and I had to move on eventually. Sehun’s a really nice guy, he likes the kids and vice versa. I… I wanted the kids to grow up with two parents.”

“And they will, without me.”

Jongdae frowns, “How could you say that? You’re their father too.”

“They’ve grown up without me for 10 years, and like you said, you want them to grow up with two parents: you and Sehun.”

“No, no, Yeol. D-Don’t do this,” Jongdae’s voice shakes, tears starting to well up.

“I’m not doing anything, Jongdae. You’ve moved on, and I should too. It’s a mistake, meeting you again.” He could see Jongdae’s face morphed into sadness, and Chanyeol hates that he made him feel that way, but doesn’t get to overthink it further when he’s suddenly being pulled down and feels another pair of lips on his.

“Yeollie, don’t do this. Not to me, _please_ ,” Jongdae sobs as Chanyeol forced himself to pull away. “I still love you. Please,” Jongdae begs, leaning in for another kiss but the younger wouldn’t have any of it.

“Jongdae, no. Don’t do this to Sehun, don’t do this to your kids.”

“They’re yours too, Chanyeol! Junho and Miyeon are yours from the very beginning, nothing’s changed!”

“They’re yours and Sehun’s. They were never mine, and they can never be mine when they call someone else their father. Jongdae, please, for the sake of your family, please,” Chanyeol begged, “Move on from me. Forget about me.” Jongdae backs up and looks at the younger scandalously, before raising his right hand and slapping Chanyeol right across the face.

* * *

_Chanyeol grunts softly his entire body sweating against the cubicle door; no, not from playing soccer 5 minutes prior, but rather from a certain someone on his knees when it was time for them to take a shower._

_“Shit, Jongdae, are you sure we won’t g-”_

_“If you keep quiet, we won’t.” Jongdae looks up, “Are you sure you wanna do this? We don’t have to.”_

_Chanyeol exhales before nodding his head, “Yes.” When Jongdae casually mentioned how hot public sex would be, who was Chanyeol to resist his boyfriend’s indirect request?_

_Since it was after school, the locker room and showers were mostly empty since a lot of students would opt to wash up at home, Jongdae pulled Chanyeol to the cubicle furthest away from the door and kissed him senseless._

_“N-now?” Jongdae nods, pulling down the taller’s elastic shorts in one-go._

_“Not even wearing underwear?” Chanyeol shakes his head, “More comfortable without any.”_

_“Or you were expecting this and wanted to make it easier for me,” Jongdae teases, “Go wash it first.”_

_So back to Jongdae already on his knees, he starts nosing along the shaft, using his right hand to hold it and stroke it, while his left holds down Chanyeol’s thigh._

_“Relax, baby.” They’ve only done this one other time, so they weren’t exactly pros at it, and Chanyeol wonders why they’ve advanced to doing this in such an enclosed place._

_Jongdae continues stroking it slowly, almost quite gently, making this all the more intimate. And truthfully? Chanyeol wouldn’t do it with anyone else._

_His boyfriend started with the tip, sucking it like it’s the sweetest lollipop in the world, and like his life depended on it. He swipes his tongue on the slit, licking the pre-cum that was already there. Jongdae gently rubs the vein on his length, as a little heads-up probably, before he slowly dives in. The moans and slurping noises were loud and lewd enough for anyone to figure out what they were doing, but Chanyeol didn’t care because it felt so good. It took no time for Chanyeol to cum right into the other’s very willing throat, swallowing every single drop till the former was dry. In true Jongdae fashion, he stood up and laughed, “Great idea, right?” Chanyeol only nodded and kissed the older’s cheek, before he repays his debt to his boyfriend. Lucky for the both of them, they were already showering anyway._

The sunlight shines through the blinds that Chanyeol has forgotten to close fully. He groans a little, too tired to wake up, but groans even louder when he sees his gift this morning. Vividly remembering the dream, he leans back on the pillow, ‘How did his life come to this?’ One arm over his eyes to block out the light, the other shoved under his shorts, grabbing his hard, leaking length. He makes a mental note to invest in some lube, if this was going to be a recurring thing. He uses his own lubrication for now, and started off stroking strong, but hisses, forgetting how long he hasn’t done this for, so he was pretty sensitive. Slowing down, he takes a couple of deep breaths, before starting off slowly again. His mind can’t help but wander to his dream again, wander to Jongdae; he figured, whatever happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom, right? Jongdae would never find out anyway, and it’d be his guilty pleasure.

 _“Jongdae…”_ He chants his former lover’s name like a prayer, wishing he was here right beside him, doing anything and everything. Satisfying him, and Chanyeol satisfying him after, just like they used to. It was almost always Jongdae initiating the sex first, Chanyeol giving into him like putty - it wasn’t like he didn’t want the same anyway. He thinks about what they used to do: giving each other handjobs in between classes, making out till it was almost sunrise, and their graduation day sex. Ah, that was fucking amazing; the best sex Chanyeol has had by far. That was more than enough to get him off quickly, strong spurts of cum soon coating his hand and sheets. Well, it was a washing day, anyway.

* * *

Chanyeol hasn’t heard from Jongdae since he came over a few days back. But, occasionally, he does find food by his door when he comes home. Christmas was slowly creeping up, and honestly, Chanyeol doesn’t know how he can handle seeing the love of his life with an entirely different person, but he reminds himself he’s doing it for the kids. He decided it would be the first and only time with them, already looking for jobs and apartments in other cities. He couldn’t start over knowing his own children and his former lover are living in the same small town, so the best choice is to move away.

He decided to go to the large park one day, it wasn’t going to be too cold if the weatherman was accurate, and he could use a breather. It was still nice, a little more clean and kept from when he last went 10 years ago. He takes in the view, finally feeling relaxed for the first time in a decade and smiles sadly. Not the happy ending he wanted, but life happens, and he’s just going to have to move on. At 30, he figures it’s never too late.

Chanyeol walks along the river and is suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia. 

_“Channie! Where are you bringing me?” Jongdae asks as he’s being pulled while being blindfolded._

_“Just wait, we’re reaching~” And when they did, Chanyeol gently removed the blindfold so Jongdae could see what awaits him. Even with the heavy snowing and piercing cold temperatures, the view is very worth it. While not at the highest point, one could see the entire park all the same, and it was almost like a scene from an animated movie._

_“I was going on a run when I found this,” Chanyeol sniffles in the cold. “I thought you might like it.”_

_“Are you kidding me? This is beautiful, Yeollie,” Jongdae smiles brightly. They ended up sitting at a nearby bench, Jongdae leaning on Chanyeol’s broad shoulder._

_“I can’t believe you’re going off soon, for God knows how long,” Jongdae whispers sadly, rubbing their hands together._

_“I will be back before you know it. Will you wait for me?” He feels the other nod against his collarbone, “No matter how long it takes, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms.”_

_“Really now?” Chanyeol teasingly asks, “That’s romantic.”_

_“You would do the same for me too, right?”_

_“Mmm? Would I?” He teased again, “I’d wait a million years for you. Heck, there’s nothing else I want than to be with you forever, even when we die. I want to be buried next to you.”_

_“Cheesy. And very forward-thinking. But yes, I want that for us too. I want us to be together in any and every way.” Jongdae says as he takes out his keys and separates them, Chanyeol watching him intently. He takes one of them and scratches on the bench._

_“I think that’s vandalism.” Jongdae only shrugs as he writes KJD_ _♡_ _PCY._

_“Okay, you’re the cheesiest one in the relationship.”_

_“Well. You should be honoured,” Jongdae sticks his tongue out. “Let’s come home to each other, no matter how long it takes.”_

His legs had coincidentally taken him to a bench, he doesn’t remember specifically which bench they had sat on, but he remembers where the writing could’ve been. He sweeps the snow of the wooden chair before he sits down, and then he wipes down the right armrest. Lo and behold, the inscription is right there. Still bold and clear, Chanyeol ran his fingers over it, feeling the words.

“Chanyeol?” He looks up to see Jongdae, donning a bright red coat, standing in front of him at a small distance, and he figures what are the chances truly, they’d be here on the same day, at the same time. Chanyeol stands up and bows slightly, before starting to walk away.

“I come here every time I need time to myself. That’s why the writing is still there. It, um... sorts of bring me comfort. Some hope that you’d come back one day. Almost couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you here.” Chanyeol stops in his tracks, a little speechless by the revelation.

“I know we can’t be together right now, but… **no matter how long it takes** , right?” Without glancing back, Chanyeol takes off again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my story, the legal age is 18. 
> 
> Tags: Mentions of BDSM, just... a lot of implied sex

_“You got everything?” Jongdae fusses over Chanyeol one more time before the latter pins his arms down._

_“Yes, baby, I got them all. Even the extras.”_

_“Okay, okay,” Jongdae chuckles. They were both standing in the middle of the crowded train station, but no one else matters except each other._

_“Be safe out there, okay?” Jongdae’s eyes get a little teary, “I love you so much and I will always miss you.”_

_“I love you too, and I already miss you.”_

_“Remember to stay safe… and always remember that I’ll be waiting for you. No matter how long it takes.”_

Jongdae wakes up suddenly, body sweating and eyes watering. He gets up and checks the time: 03:54. He looks at Sehun, still deep asleep and decides some warm tea would help him calm down and be less jittery. There was never a day he hadn’t thought about Chanyeol, but since his return, he increasingly became more anxious, and definitely a lot more guilty. The face he’d seen on Chanyeol’s when they were arguing about Sehun was heartbreaking, but it doesn’t mean he wasn’t heartbroken himself. Seeing Chanyeol at their bench had given Jongdae an overwhelming bittersweet feeling; seeing him so near for once and wanting him so bad, but he couldn’t have him. He badly wants to be with him too, but he couldn't do that to Sehun.

He made himself some chamomile tea, grabbed a photo album and sat down at the dining table. Flipping it open, something he hasn’t done for a very long time, he was taken back to a time when he was extremely happy. He is happy now, with his wonderful kids and Sehun, but he reckons he was a little happier then. There were photos of them at high school, during games, school events, or town celebrations. Of course there were photos of them on their dates, out with their friends etcetera; and when Jongdae thought he couldn’t be happier.

They both met in high school, seat partners in class and instant best friends. They got along well because their personalities not only complemented each other, they could lean and depend on the other very well too. Wherever Jongdae was, Chanyeol is right beside him, so it was no surprise when they finally decided on dating. 

Jongdae remembers them going stargazing; Chanyeol accidentally blurting out how beautiful the other is. They were almost 16 then, they’ve never dated, or had girlfriends, but Jongdae’s heart skipped with the sudden revelation. He didn’t think, and just leaned in, capturing the other’s lip in a gentle kiss. Their very first kiss under the moonlight - a page taken from the fairytale, but that’s how Jongdae had felt during the entirety of their relationship; like he was in a dream he didn’t want to wake up from.

Life was going great; they graduated and got their own jobs. Chanyeol at a record store and Jongdae at the bakery, obviously; and the best thing was that both shops were on the same street, so they coordinated their lunch breaks and off-days. Their relationship was the best thing that has happened to either of them, and yes, that included Jongdae giving birth to Junho and Miyeon.

During the entire time they were together, needless to say, they were very sexually active. Might he dare say quite adventurous too. Name a place, and they would tell you whether having sex there was worth it. So Jongdae couldn’t exactly ‘pinpoint’ a time when he thinks the twins were conceived, but his favourite was still their very first time together. It’s funny thinking back about it; they were sitting on Chanyeol’s bed during one of their sleepovers on the night of November 26. They were cuddling while waiting for the clock to strike 12, Chanyeol getting a little antsy for what’s to come. Jongdae had already turned 18, but since Chanyeol was 2 months younger, they had to wait till he’s legal to do it. They have fooled around; they’re both healthy boys, at their prime age of puberty afterall, but they weren’t going to break the laws for a moment’s pleasure. So they promised that the moment Chanyeol turns 18, they would have sex.

5 minutes to 12, Chanyeol suggested taking off their clothes. Thinking it was a little weird, Jongdae proposed to make-out instead, and see where the night goes. Well, by the time the clock struck 12, their shirts were off, and Jongdae had already climbed on top of Chanyeol.

“Let me take care of you.” And from that second on, Jongdae puts all his trust in the birthday boy.

* * *

After that night, it was experiment after experiment; whatever they saw online or heard from their friends, they were very willing to try. They were surprised neither of their beds have broken yet, with the amount of sex they have, or that none of their parents had questioned why they had so many sleepovers. They knew they were dating though, so maybe they’ve put the pieces together themselves. One of the wilder ones that Jongdae remembers, which they only started to branch out to when they were older, is Chanyeol’s hands being tied up above his head, and yes, Jongdae had to buy the rope. But the sex was fucking hot, and it was well worth the $5 he paid for it. Oh and the best part? They shared a lot of kinks together, a few including praising each other, and dirty talk.

When they turned 20, the kingdom had announced for all men above 18 to serve in the war, that was called on the same year. All men except those with disabilities and those who are carriers, and unfortunately for Jongdae, he was part of the latter. He didn’t see the point though, it wasn’t like anyone else could get him pregnant if the majority of the men were at war, nor was he pregnant then. Little did he know Chanyeol’s parting gift wouldn’t stop the second he boarded the train, the second their intertwined hands were forced to part as the train drove away.

When Jongdae constantly had to get up and puke his guts out every morning, his mother had feared the worst. She immediately brought him to the doctors only to confirm her instincts. Jongdae is pregnant. He immediately broke down crying, heartbroken not to have the father of the baby by his side, or even him not knowing about it, and all he wanted was a miracle to bring Chanyeol home.

Although the thought of not having Chanyeol is still depressing, he also realises that he’s carrying his baby, babies he later found out, and vows to keep them as healthy as possible, with a broken heart. If he loses their father, at least he would still have a bit of him in the twins, and that’s more than enough. It was difficult, especially since he’s a male carrier, but 8 months of pregnancy had given him two beautiful babies, and his first thought was, ‘Ah, I carried you for 8 months and you look exactly like your other father.’ The twins had to be hospitalised for a couple of weeks, but soon, he was able to bring home Miyeon and Junho.

He’s grateful for his family’s help, but every night he cries himself at night, especially when he has to feed them both at the dead of night alone; that he wishes Chanyeol was with them too. He was going to miss them growing up, their milestones, their first times and days… Jongdae’s heart hurts so much every second he thinks of it, but the smiles and giggles from both babies make his days better. They look increasingly like Chanyeol day by day, a little bittersweet, but it’s a very nice reminder of his lover.

**Finally**! The army had announced that they were able to send letters to the soldiers. Jongdae was excited beyond words that he couldn’t stop smiling as he walked into the bakery to work for the day.

“You must be happy,” Minseok pointed out. 

“Of course I am, he finally gets to know about the twins~” They were almost 3 now; two very happy and active toddlers, just like their dad. “I need to pick and develop the best pictures for him to see,” he smiles giddily.

“Be careful not to write an entire novel, hyung!” Jongin teases as he brings out a fresh batch of bread.

“Please. Chanyeol would need more than one novel of what he had missed out on the last 3 years.”

His happiness was unfortunately short-lived when the kingdom announced a major attack on the majority of their bases. 

“You have to prepare your heart, baby,” his mother had said later that night.

“No, no,” Jongdae sobbed, “He’s going to live. He needs to know them, and he’s going to see his twins alive. He has to.”

-

“Where is it? The papers?!” Jongdae asked with bloodshot eyes early next morning, and his parents looked at him sadly. They had tried to hide them, but Jongdae just went out to buy a new set. His heart and knees dropped in the middle of the street, still in his pajamas, when he saw Chanyeol’s name. _He has to, he has to see them._

-

“Papa? Why are you crying?” Junho asks as he tries to climb onto Jongdae’s lap.

“I’m alright, baby.”

“But you’re crying…” Junho pouts, and his eyes start to get glassy.

“No, no, baby. Papa is alright, Papa is happy because he has you and your sister.”

“So… why are you crying?”

Jongdae sniffles, smiling through his tears, “They’re happy tears, baby.” The twins were definitely too young to understand, and he promises himself to tell them when they grow older.

He has to force himself to move on since then. There was only a mass memorial event to honour their dead and undead soldiers, Jongdae only had the willpower to attend for barely 10 minutes before his heart couldn’t take it anymore and he left.

-

Jongdae had hoped it would get easier then, because he was sure he was at his worst. There were days where he was happy, there were days where he couldn’t possibly move or even eat, there were days where he cried the entire day. His heart yearns for his one true love, yearns to see him, to hear him again. He’d do anything to even see Chanyeol just for another minute, and he wants him to meet their beautiful children.

He went about his life; giving the kids the best lives they could have, working hard for them and spending as much time as he could. He made sure they get the best resources, food on the table and have the best support for their education. He slowly explains to them what had happened to Chanyeol too.

“Your other papa was a brave and great soldier; fighting for the country, fighting for us. He may not be here now, but he’s always watching you, so remember to say hi every once in a while, okay?”

Just as the kids turned 8, his parents had come to him and dropped a bomb.

“So, Sehun’s really nice, right? What do you think about him?” His mother had introduced Jongdae to her friend’s son, and they’ve been getting along, but he knows what his mother is up to.

“He’s fine?”

But his father was much more straightforward, “We think you should settle down. Sehun seems like a good fit for you.”

“I don’t want to get married.”

“Kim Jongdae, this is best for y-”

“I don’t want to get ma-,” Jongdae says calmly, although he’s seething.

“If this is about Chanye-”

“Do not. Do not put his name in your mouth in vain. Chanyeol’s got nothing to do with this.”

“Are you sure, Jongdae? Are you still waiting for him to come back?”

“Again, this has nothing to do with Chanyeol. Who’s to say Sehun’s ready for kids? He may like them, but taking care and raising them is different.”

“But it’ll be a much different tune if Chanyeol comes back.”

“Chanyeol is their father. Of course I’d take him back. Sehun’s still practically a stranger. You’re not going to force me to mar-”

“CHANYEOL ISN’T COMING BACK! YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON!” his father screams, creating a deafening silence throughout the house.

“I don’t see why,” Jongdae chokes, “Why you keep bringing him u-”

“Everyone knows you’re just waiting for him to walk through the fucking doors. Guess what, Jongdae? HE’S DEAD. He is not coming back, and it’s high time you stop moping around and wake up! Your children’s father, your former lover. He’s never coming back.”

Jongdae never looked at his father ever again, even when he said his ‘I do’ 7 months later.

-

Sehun does help him more than he could ever imagine. He helps take care of the kids well, and tries his best to make Jongdae content. Chanyeol was a taboo topic they never touched, but Sehun looks like he knows about it anyway. No one really questioned him when Jongdae suddenly started packing up every piece of Chanyeol that he has into boxes and sealing all of them up, hidden at the very back of the storage room, never to be seen again.

Getting rid of the physical memories did not rid of the ones in his mind and heart constantly. Everywhere he goes, every tall, lanky man he sees, he seeks out for Chanyeol. He thinks he can never get rid of this deep ache in his heart, but it wasn’t like he’s planning to heal it either. He feels like he deserves it; for moving on without him. He loves Sehun, but Jongdae’s love for Chanyeol is different, and Jongdae just knew it was never going to go away.

* * *

It was just like any other cold winter day, Jongdae picking up the children from school and instead of going back to the bakery, he had the day off and decided to bring them to the main street. While distracted by Miyeon wanting to see the pretty homemade earrings and necklaces, he hadn’t realised Junho was missing until he found his right side empty. He tries his best not to panic, holding Miyeon tight as he looks for someone in a green jacket. Junho couldn’t have gone far, he thinks, and just over 5 minutes had passed when he saw a familiar figure.

“Junnie!”

“Papa!” Junho turns around and Jongdae breathes a sigh of relief. 

“I’m here, Papa, it’s okay…” Junho had whispered. Jongdae wasn’t too happy that he went missing, but that was a conversation for later. Now, he has to thank the seemingly tall man for helping his son. Standing up straight, he looks towards the tall covered figure, who was looking right at them, before the stranger starts to walk away.

“Uncle Chanyeol! Wait for us!” Jongdae’s heart stopped there and then. _Chanyeol? His Chanyeol?_

It couldn’t be.

-

“Papa? Do you know him? Uncle Chanyeol?” Miyeon asks.

“Yeah…” Jongdae clears his throat, “He’s my old friend.”

“There he is!” The three of them watched as Chanyeol shakes off the snow at the bottom of his shoes before going into the small apartment complex.

Junho gasps, “I still have his jacket!” Jongdae looks to the back and he’s right. The jacket on his son’s body is way too big for him, and it was definitely not there when they left the house. 

“Pass it to me later. I’ll return it.”

-

9 doors later, Jongdae is starting to lose hope. Maybe Chanyeol didn’t stay here. Maybe he was just dropping something off for someone else. He braves at the 10th house still, and knocks on the door. His brain shuts down the second he sees the tall man again. He only remembers talking about Sehun, the attack and showing him the newspaper clipping he keeps in his wallet to remind himself to move on. The next thing he knows, he was crying in his car; heartbroken still but relieved too. All these years he’s wished for one thing, and it’s coming true.

-

He tells Sehun about Chanyeol. How he’s alive and back in town. How he wants the twins to get to know their father, but doesn’t mention anything about their relationship.

“I’m not going to stop you and the twins from getting to know their father.”

“You know I’m just going to do whatever I want regardless of what you say anyway.” Sehun chuckles, he’s been quite lenient and allows Jongdae to do whatever he wants; and Jongdae’s grateful for that.

“The twins are going to be so happy that they finally get to meet their dad,” Jongdae smiles widely, probably the first and only genuine smile Sehun has ever seen on him, as the older pulls out all the boxes he had kept a year ago.

“And… what about you and him?”

“What… what about us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Now that the twins’ father is back… Do… Would you want to get back together?” Jongdae looks at Sehun, but doesn’t say anything. In front of them were the same boxes Jongdae kept a year ago, all out in the open as he grabs a knife and opens up a box. All of Chanyeol's sweaters he has are in this one, and he grabs one of them. It still smells like him.

“Are you going to return it to him?”

Jongdae nods, “He spent so long away… I don’t think he has a lot of clothes. They should still fit him, even if he got bulkier.” He furrows his brows, “I still need to convince him to come over for Christmas.”

“If he doesn’t want to, he sho-”

“He doesn’t have anyone else.”

“I know that b-”

“I’ll try. I know my Yeollie well, I can get to him.” He has to. What if Christmas without the one you love?

-

“I cooked too much. I think I’m going to go over to Chanyeol’s and give it to him. God knows when the last time he had homemade food.”

“You should give him a heads-up.”

“He should be at home. If he’s not, I will call him.”

“You’re not eating with us?”

“I think he will appreciate the company. I already put the food in dishes anyway so you can just reheat and put them on the table when you’re done.” Sehun nods and furrows his brows, watching his husband walk out the door with a smile on his face.

-

“How did it go?” Sehun asks as soon as Jongdae closes the door behind him.

“We… we fought, I think. He said I was disrespecting you in the relationship.” Jongdae shrugs, “Probably going to give him some space.” He was obviously not going into deep details about the fight - which included slapping Chanyeol right after kissing him. He doesn’t regret either; they both felt good. The kiss felt right, even if it was only one-sided, and the slap, well… he deserved it. The way he talked about the kids and how they weren’t his had angered Jongdae, even if he didn’t show it at first. And the way he looked like he was ready to move on without his own children, without _him_. It not only made Jongdae angry, but also disappointed and devastated. He’s always dreamt of having his own happy family with Chanyeol, and the same person crashes and throws this dream into the trash. To top it off, he asked Jongdae to forget about him and move on? Jongdae hasn’t done this for the last decade, especially when he found out he had allegedly died, and he knew he wouldn’t even think for even a second to ever forget someone as extraordinary as Park Chanyeol.

-

“Again?” Sehun sighs as he sees Jongdae packing up the food into containers.

“We had extra.”

“I thought you weren’t talking. Did Chanyeol sign up for a daily food delivery program?”

“Sehun, I don’t want to talk about this with you again.”

“So much for giving him sp-”

“Sehun.”

“Unbelievable how you’d give up so much of your time for someone who barely gives you the time of day.”

Jongdae slams the bag loudly, “Oh Sehun, if you don’t shut the fu-”

“It’s painful for me to see you like this, jagi. It’s also painfully obvious you’re not only hung up on Chanyeol, but still in love w-”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE SEHUN!” Jongdae angers. Anger is a rare emotion for him, so for Sehun to rile him up that badly… “Shut up. Seriously. Just shut up. I knew Chanyeol much longer than I know you, so it’s reasonable if I want to help him adjust from the warzone he’s used to.”

“But he doesn’t even want you there, hyung!” Sehun chuckles half-heartedly.

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll drop the food off, and I’ll be back.” Jongdae huffed as he slammed the door behind him.

-

**_“I know we can’t be together right now, but… no matter how long it takes, right?”_ **

Jongdae’s heart breaks more with each step Chanyeol takes. Should he give up? Should he move on? Chanyeol has done nothing but avoid the other since he came back, maybe it’s a sign. Jongdae wonders why after all these years, he’s still hopelessly in love with Chanyeol, even when he thought he was dead. Why all these years he didn’t learn to move on, and be happy with what he has now. Sehun is right, he’s still so hung up on someone who barely looks at him. Someone who’s had his heart, brought it away with him for 10 years, and doesn’t even return it when he comes back. _Maybe it’s time to move on, Kim Jongdae, it's been a very long time. Your heart is still his, but his heart might not be yours anymore._

* * *

“You didn’t tell us Chanyeol came back,” his father had said as he was preparing dinner for the family.

“Does it matter? He was never coming back, right?” Jongdae reckons his father might be right. Chanyeol may be physically here, but he doesn’t know where the Chanyeol he’s in love with is. He is here, but he’s also not here.

“Jongdae. Don’t be like this. We all thought he was dead.” His father sighs when his son doesn’t reply, and continues, “You have Sehun now, don’t you forget that.”

“Don’t worry. I'm reminded of it everyday.”

“We are all just looking out for you.”

“I don’t need someone to look after me, Appa. Never have. It’s like you guys don’t trust me enough, it’s like I’ve ever given any of you a reason to doubt me.”

“No harm reminding you with what you h-”

“ _PLEASE_. I’m tired of having this conversation. If it makes you feel better, Chanyeol isn’t talking to me. So there, happy?” He looks over to the living room, “Dinner’s ready!”

-

“He’s celebrating Christmas with you guys? I thought you weren’t talking,” his mother asks this time.

“Yes~ We’re going to have so much fun with our other real dad!” Miyeon squeals. Jongdae’s father looks at him questionably. 

“Uncle Chanyeol is so tall! I wish to be as tall as him one day!” Junho chimes in, unaware of the tension in the room.

“He’s still their father after all,” Jongdae says, “It wouldn’t be fair for Chanyeol and the kids if I didn’t let them know.”

“And you’re okay with it?” Jongdae’s father directs his question to Sehun, who nodded his head.

“Why? What’s wrong with Uncle Chanyeol?” Miyeon asks worriedly.

“Nothing’s wrong, baby,” Jongdae assures his daughter.

“We cannot celebrate with him?” Junho asks this time.

“We can and we will.”

“We invited him ourselves, Harabeoji. Uncle Chanyeol didn’t want to come at first but he said he will after we asked! Don’t scold Papa for it,” Miyeon defended her fathers.

“I’m not scolding your dad. In fact, why don't he come over for Christmas dinner as well? We’d like to meet him again.”

The twins’ “YES!” drowns out their father’s “No.”

“He wouldn’t be comfortable.”

His mother compromised, “Let the twins ask him and see what he has to say, okay?” 

Jongdae did not like the sound of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: Public sex, infidelity, drunk sex, mutual masturbation

“Uncle Chanyeol!!” The twins screamed as soon as they opened the door.

“Hello guys!” Chanyeol gently pats their heads even with his hands full.

“You got presents for us?!” Junho asks happily, “We got presents for you too!!”

“It’s a surprise~” Chanyeol places the presents under the tree before going to Sehun. “Thank you for letting me into your home. Here’s some wine.”

“Ah, thank you, you didn’t have to. Make yourself at home.” Chanyeol nods and sits on the couch, the twins surrounding him almost immediately.

“Uncle Chanyeol! We need to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“Do you want to come with us to Harabeoji and Halmeoni’s BIG house for Christmas dinner later? They asked you to come!”

“They did?” Jongdae’s parents did treat him like family, but Chanyeol wasn’t sure he would still be welcomed after all these years. The twins nodded their heads vigorously Chanyeol was scared it was going to fall out, and smiles, “Maybe next time okay?”

They pouted, “Promise?” Chanyeol didn’t want to make any promise so he just smiled.

“Hey,” Jongdae greets, “Sorry, I was changing.”

“Hi.”

“What do you want to drink? I made Sikhye.” Chanyeol’s eyes widen slightly; the sikhye Jongdae makes is his favourite, and Chanyeol remembered saying it would be the second thing he’d miss being away, first being Jongdae. He unconsciously nodded his head, missing Jongdae’s bright smile when Miyeon pulled him towards her room.

The sikhye is delicious, and refreshing considering the twins had pulled him left and right to play, tiring him only an hour into the lunch date.

“Kids, come on, let’s have some lunch before you tire your Uncle Chanyeol out,” Sehun calls and the three of them go to the dining table.

“You’re not coming to my in-laws later?”

Chanyeol shakes his head, “I don’t want to int- disturb a family event.”

“But you’re family!” Junho pouts, “You’re our other dad!” His sister agrees loudly.

“Um…” Chanyeol honestly didn’t know how to answer that; technically, they weren’t wrong.

“Kids, calm down. If Uncle Chanyeol doesn’t want to go, then he doesn’t have to. Don’t argue with him,” Jongdae scolds.

“We can still have fun while I’m here, right?” Chanyeol tries to diffuse the situation. He grabs another serving of kimchi, the taste so familiar and comforting. He accidentally looks at Jongdae smiling at him, and quickly turns away.

They loved the presents Chanyeol brought, getting into the candy immediately after opening it. He should’ve brought more, he thinks.

“You didn’t have to get them gifts,” Jongdae states as he watches his children get excited over what they got.

“Um, I got you some too.” He gives Jongdae his stocking, to his surprise and the twins were now looking on intently. Jongdae opens the stocking and sees the same candy, much to the twins’ delight, and he takes out a box.

“What’s this~” Jongdae sings softly as he opens it up, peeling off the wrapping paper. Chanyeol’s heart almost beats out of his chest when he sees the other’s mouth open slightly in shock.

“What is it!!” Miyeon climbs over her father to see what he got, and was a little confused by what it was.

“Is that a keychain?” Junho asks, to which Chanyeol shakes his head.

_-_

_“What’s this?” Jongdae asks as he removes a chain from the box._

_“It’s an anklet. Open the smaller box.” The older one does so and sees a small sunflower._

_“I got you a charm as well. I’ll give you a new one for every year I love you, which means you'll probably need a new anklet in just a couple of years,” he jokes. Jongdae attaches the charm to the anklet and gives it to Chanyeol, “Put it on for me.”_

_“Who am I? Your servant?” Chanyeol chuckles, “I’ll serve you well, my Royal Highness!” He puts on the anklet on Jongdae’s left foot, before they both admire how well it fits his ankle._

_“So one more charm next year?” Jongdae asks._

_“Yeah, and the year after that, and the year after that too. For as long as you’d let me love you.”_

-

“It’s… it’s a charm.”

Miyeon’s still confused, “What’s that?”

Sehun narrows his eyes, before his eyes zoom in on the silver chain on his ankle, ‘Ah, it makes sense now.’

Jongdae brings his left leg closer to him and without taking the anklet out, attaches the dandelion charm.

“It’s so pretty!!” Miyeon squeals, admiring the anklet.

“Uncle Chanyeol! Did you get this bracelet for Papa?”

“It’s an anklet, baby,” Jongdae corrects his son.

“Yeah, I got it for him around 14 years ago? When we were 16.”

“That’s so long!” Miyeon gasps, “It’s older than us!” 

“Yeah, it is…” Jongdae was still staring at the anklet with a smile on his face, 

“Do you… do you like it?” Chanyeol asks nervously, to which Jongdae looks up at him, eyes glassy, and nodded his head vigorously.

“Yeah, I do. Thank you…. It’s really,” he chokes. “It’s really beautiful.” 

Chanyeol’s shoulders sag in relief and he smiles back, “You’re welcome.” Just then, Sehun sighs loudly and stands up, “I’ll leave so I don’t have to interrupt this lovely family reunion.”

“Seh-” Jongdae couldn’t even finish his two-syllable name before Sehun was out of sight.

Chanyeol cleared his throat, “I think I should g-”

“NO!” Jongdae stops the other, “I’ll talk to him later. It’d be fine, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Everything’s going to be fine. You haven’t even opened your presents yet!” At that, the twins quickly went to the tree and carried his presents to him.

“You guys didn’t have to get me anything,” Chanyeol says, while thanking the twins too.

Junho sat beside his father, “We wanna! See what we got you!!” Chanyeol opens the bag and he sees the cards first, which looked like they made it themselves. Miyeon’s card had stick figures of the four of them - Chanyeol, Jongdae, and the twins. Chanyeol ignores the missing person as he praises the drawing, and opens the card to some writing and a whole lot of hearts and stars: _Merry Christmas, Uncle Chanyeol! I can’t believe we get to have you this year, but I’m so happy! Maybe we can spend more time together outside of Christmas too! We got you presents and I hope you like it! I missed you a lot and I love you. Let’s be together forever! Love, Miyeon._

He doesn’t know why a simple message could make him tear up, but he thinks about all those years he’s missed with the twins, and he thinks about what could’ve been if… Sehun wasn’t here. He didn’t want to be crass, but could anyone blame him?

He moves on to Junho’s card, which writes: _Hi Uncle Chanyeol! Merry Christmas!! I hope you get lots of presents this year. And I hope you love ours! We made it ourselves :D Let’s have a great Christmas together and I want to be together forever with you, me, Papa and Miyeon! I love you! - KIM JUNHO_

He sniffles and knows his eyes are a little teary, but manages to choke out a wet, “Thank you.”

“Now open the other presents!”

“Baby,” Jongdae pats Miyeon’s arm, “Relax, sweetheart.” She continues bouncing on her butt while Chanyeol takes out two jars.

“They’re handmade candles!! We put in the different coloured beads ourselves and then you can light them up when you want to! They’ll melt into one huge chunk after!” Junho explains.

Miyeon asks after, “Aren’t they pretty!!”

Chanyeol nods, “They’re beautiful, just like you.” Truthfully, Chanyeol hasn’t felt this… _content_? _Happy_? In a very long time. The twins also gave him some drawings they made in school, as well as their favourite chocolates (which Chanyeol gave them anyway since they were hovering over him then).

“Papa! Did you buy anything for Uncle Chanyeol?”

"I did…" Jongdae pulled a box and handed it over to the other. He had given Chanyeol some nice, fitted office wear, as well as a pair of shoes. 

"Jongdae… You didn't have to get me this much…"

"You just came back so… I'm assuming you wouldn't have much clothes."

"Still… this is too much…" Chanyeol then finds an envelope, but Jongdae stops him before he could open it.

"Open it when you're at home, please." Chanyeol nodded and left it at that.

They spent the next hour or so playing games and singing, to which Jongdae announces that they had to prepare for the dinner later. The twins pouted and begged for the last time for Chanyeol to come, but the latter only shook his head and said he had something on.

"Um. I'll drive you home," Jongdae offers.

"It's fine… I can walk."

"No. I just had some of your clothes from last time. I want to return them to you so you can wear them, expand your wardrobe as you will."

"Oh." Chanyeol couldn't believe that:

  1. Jongdae still had those clothes.
  2. Jongdae was going to return them to him.



"They're already loaded in my car. I'll let Sehun know we're leaving so we can go."

"I didn't realise I had more than one box of my things with you," Chanyeol says as he puts down the 4th and last box.

"Yeah. Mostly sweaters. Um… I kept a couple of hoodies… if that's okay with you."

"Oh. Which ones?"

"The um… The pink one? And the beige one… Do you want them back?"

"It's fine. Have you been wearing them?" Chanyeols asks without thinking, a bit too late to take back his words though.

"Um, yes. Not just those though, if we're being honest."

"Oh." The atmosphere got awkward really quickly as they avoided eye contact, but Jongdae realises he needed to get home, and they bid goodbye.

"The letter… um. Please read it."

"I will."

_My dear Chanyeol,_

_I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry._

_There’s so much I want to tell you that this letter wouldn’t fit, so maybe one day, when you’re ready, I’ll tell you everything? I’ll give you the time and space that you need, even when we’re with the twins. You’re right, I should respect my marriage more, and I will._

_Before you left, we promised to come home to each other, no matter how long it takes, and I hope it still holds true. I know I broke the same promise you’ve kept for so long with everything you’ve been through, but I’m selfishly making a request._

_Please wait for me a little longer, my Chanyeollie. I know we’ve waited ten years, but please wait a while more, and we can be together completely again, with Junho and Miyeon. I can’t tell you how long it’s going to take, but I want to be all yours again. I’m always yours, and I hope you will still be mine._

* * *

Chanyeol sighs as he looks around for Kyungsoo or Jongin, but sees no sight of them. The company was having a Christmas cum New Year’s party at some fancy hotel, and Chanyeol was about ready to go home. Maybe just another drink for good measure, he thought to himself and ordered his 7th drink of the night. He likes to drink, especially when it’s free. Oh, and especially after he saw Jongdae tonight.

He was dressed like every man’s wet dream, or maybe just his. He has seen Jongdae in suits before, but the way he dressed tonight takes the cake. If Jongdae 10 years ago was teen-Chanyeol’s wet dream, Jongdae now was current-Chanyeol’s wet dream, and more. Dressed in a crisp and probably expensive navy blue suit, it accentuates all the right (and Chanyeol’s favourite) parts of the body, especially his ass. In those pants? It’s enough to get Chanyeol worked up. His hair was styled very handsomely too, and his skin has always been glowing. Chanyeol was always jealous of it. He also couldn’t deny that all he thinks about these days were Jongdae, his body, the sex, and their kiss. He did invest in a bottle of lube, and is embarrassed to see it already half empty when it’s been barely 1 week. He leans against the wall at the corner and shuts his eyes, in hopes to think about anything else other than Jongdae to get rid of the growing tent in his pants.

“Chanyeol.” _Fuck._ He turns around a little hazily.

“Oh hello.” 

“You look good.”

“Yeah... you too,” Chanyeol slipped, coughing into his hand after that. His head hurts a little looking at the older upclose like this; how someone could look 10 times more sinful like this is beyond Chanyeol. It’s frustrating, especially sexually frustrating for the younger. Chanyeol soon realizes he was checking his ex out, and looks up to see Jongdae smiling smugly back at him. Fuck, he’s been caught.

“Done feasting your eyes on me?”

“Maybe. You know I’ve always loved you in navy blue.” _Wait_ , he was flirting with a married man. He reminds himself to stop.

“I remember. And you know I’ve always loved you in pink.” Chanyeol looked down, indeed, he was wearing a pastel pink shirt. “ _God_ , you look so good. But I can’t even touch you,” Jongdae whispers. Chanyeol could tell he’s been drinking. Quickly he excuses himself, feeling himself getting tense in places he shouldn’t be.

* * *

Jongdae watches as Chanyeol walks to the other side of the hall. Of course he looks so fucking good in such a simple outfit; it was honestly frustrating and he had always complained about this since high school; plus, it’s riling Jongdae up. He hasn’t had sex since Chanyeol left (yes, that long), and it’s also been a while since he’s satisfied himself too. It’s hard to do it when you have another adult in the same bed, and two kids. So, one couldn’t really blame him if he thinks that his ex in a casual suit is turning him on really quickly. Also, he had drunk quite a bit already, but that’s not important.

The way Chanyeol stands, he internally moans at the sight; so confident yet relaxed, and it is really doing things to Jongdae at such an inappropriate time - right by Sehun’s side.

Of course he had seen Chanyeol look him over. Knowing he was going to be there, Jongdae wore out his tightest pants - the ones he knows show off his best, and Chanyeol’s favourite asset, his ass - and luckily for him, had a matching blazer. He styles his hair, moisturizes his face and off he goes, hand-in-hand with his husband.

What he didn’t count though, was how good Chanyeol would look too. He’s effortlessly attractive in anything no doubt, but he really did look the best in pink. Jongdae snaps himself out of it; he’s here to be a glorified trophy husband, and he’s going to be the best damn one there is. 

But by hour 2, Jongdae was getting restless (he can only handle so much business talk. It’s the holidays, stop talking about work!) and he curses internally; he wants to be with Chanyeol so badly. He goes to the bar and takes another shot. And he’s sure Chanyeol wants him too. Another shot. So, what’s there to stop him? Another shot. And another. The bartender looks at him worriedly, stopping him before Jongdae drinks too much. He shakes it off, and sees Chanyeol coming back into the hall and takes a deep breath. He marches determinedly towards the other man, stumbling a little once he nears Chanyeol, and pulls him away.

“Dae…” He pushes Chanyeol into the handicap washroom, locks the door behind him and climbs onto the counter. Pulling him close, Jongdae circles his arms around Chanyeol and puts their forehead together.

“I love you,” he sobs, “I love you so much.”

“Dae, you’re drunk.” Chanyeol tries to pull away, but Jongdae’s strong.

Shaking his head vigorously, “No, no. you know how much I can drink. I’m not drunk, tipsy, maybe. Not drunk.” He emphasizes on the last two words. “I want to be with you.” Chanyeol knows Jongdae doesn’t get drunk. But it’s been ten years, maybe his tolerance has gotten worse, he doesn’t know. He feels like he doesn’t know Jongdae anymore. 

The older continues, “I miss you. I miss the way you used to touch me, I miss the way you would sing me to sleep. I missed how gentle you’re with me in bed. I missed _you_.” Jongdae rubs his chest, sitting up straight and looking straight into Chanyeol’s eyes, “I want you. Always have, always will. And I know you want me too. Take me, Park Chanyeol.” And maybe Chanyeol was a little tipsy too, because when he leans forward and finally presses their lips together, it’s safe to say Jongdae wasn’t the one that initiated it first.

Jongdae makes quick work of removing the younger’s belt and unzipping his pants, all that while keeping each other as close as possible. He pulls away and takes out a packet of lube from his suit jacket, as Chanyeol pulls down his pants and boxers and looks in shock at how prepared Jongdae was.

“Condoms?”

“I forgot. But… it wouldn’t matter anyway, right? It wouldn’t be our first time.”

“I’ll just pull out then,” Chanyeol reaches out for the gel, but Jongdae shakes his head, “I wanna do it.” He removes his pants and underwear, with the other’s help of course, and brings his knees to his chest.

“Shouldn’t we be quick?”

Jongdae shakes his head,”Everyone’s too busy to notice.” He lubes up and starts with one finger, moaning at how tight he is.

“Sorry... it’s been a while,” Jongdae breathes out, only to see Chanyeol stroking his own cock.

“Me too.” Jongdae leans back and spreads his legs further to get in deeper, and also to give the other a little show of what he’s been missing. He circles his rim before pushing three fingers in at once, “C-can’t wait,” he moans, “I’ve missed you.” Jongdae hits his prostate right on, chanting Chanyeol’s name over and over again.

“I’m right here, baby.” He nears the other and pulls out his fingers. Jongdae rubs what’s remaining on his fingers and in the packet on Chanyeol’s length, the latter moaning at the feeling.

“Ready?”

“Yes, yes please.” He kisses Jongdae as a distraction, pulling him in with one hand and guiding his cock to line up against the rim. _Finally_ , he pushes into Jongdae’s hole, both heaving a sigh of relief at how amazing they felt.

“So tight, baby. Didn’t have anyone else to open you up like I do?” Jongdae shakes his head, “Didn’t let anyone else touch me after you. Only you.” 

“Not even your own husband?” Chanyeol grunts as he goes all the way in, capturing Jongdae’s lips in a heated kiss and pushing himself in deep.

“N-no, _ah_. Not S-Sehun.” Chanyeol kisses down his neck, Jongdae tilting his head to give the other more access. “Move. you can move now.” The younger takes his time, panting hard as he thrusts his hip harder each time.

“Fuck, you’ve always liked it rough, huh?” 

Jongdae moans even louder, chanting, “Harder, faster!” like a prayer.

“Missed this, missed you,” he pants, following Chanyeol’s pace and holding him by his neck tightly. Chanyeol just hums as he says that he’s close, needing to pull out before it’s too late. Jongdae pulls Chanyeol closer, putting both their lengths together and grabbing Chanyeol’s hand. With the younger’s hand cupping over his, they both work to get themselves off; white spurts of cum soon coating their hands as they continue stroking their climaxes out. Breathing hard against each other, Chanyeol eventually snaps out of his haze, finally aware of what he had done. What he didn’t expect though, was for Jongdae to lick not only his own fingers, but Chanyeol’s too. Every single drop of cum, like it was his favourite flavour of ice cream. He forgot how wild Jongdae is when it came to sex. Chanyeol wipes himself clean, making himself look decent, and sees the older now looking at him expectantly.

“What?”

“So, how should we do this?”

“What?”

“Sehun is going on a business trip for a week in 2 weeks. You can stay over and hang out with us. Just remind me to change the sheets before Sehun comes back.”

“Again, _what?_ ”

“This isn’t a one-time thing, right? Come on, Yeol. We can’t resist each other even if we tried; this is such a good example.” 

Chanyeol sighs, “I don’t know what came over me. Dae, we can’t do this.”

“I know I told you to wait for me, but sex waits for no one, right? We used to do this all the time.”

“Dae, you’re marr-”

“He doesn’t need to know.”

“Why… Why so sudden?”

“Because now we _both_ know we want the same thing - each other.” He zips up his pants and washed his hands. 

“Just because I still feel the same about you, doesn’t mean I don't w-”

“Don’t act like the last 10 minutes wasn’t fun for you,” he snorts. “Yeol, we have nothing to lose when we’ve already lost everything.”

“You’re still not making a lot of sense.”

“If we can’t be together as a couple, not until we figure something out, we can, to be blunt, be together sexually at least.” Chanyeol sighs heavily, _this isn’t right._

“Come on Yeol, we used to do this for hours on end. What? The war took away your stamina?”

“No.” _Uh oh, Jongdae’s on thin ice._

He sighs dramatically, “I guess it’s just me then. Maybe things do change in ten years… Some people may not be as happy as they used to be… Some people may not be as strong…”

“Stop.”

Jongdae smirks, “What’s wrong, baby? Feeling threatened, Yeollie? Scared you wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore? Scared you wouldn’t be able to handle… _me_?” He finds himself being slammed against the wall, yet still continuing to taunt, “Why don’t you show me what you’ve got?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: Riding, just a lot of sex LOL

Dinners for Chanyeol now consists of Jongdae; his homemade food and his company, including but not limited to them catching up, talking about the twins, the older riding him into oblivion, or Chanyeol taking him from the back over the counter; all before Jongdae goes home at 9. It wasn’t an everyday thing for sure, maybe twice or thrice a week and only when Chanyeol isn’t exhausted from work. Chanyeol does take it from the older too, when Jongdae feels like the former needs some taking care of.

Chanyeol is on fours now on his bed, Jongdae gets behind him and opens a bottle of lube.

“I forgot h-how adventurous you are,” Chanyeol comments as the other lines up his finger against his entrance.

Chuckling, Jongdae says, “I have more up my sleeve than this, baby boy.” He kisses the bottom of a Chanyeol’s back before inserting one finger in. “So tight.” He circles and presses the finger around the hole, before inserting another, making the younger hiss. Thinking Jongdae would just continue with just this was a mistake. _No_ , the older man leans down a while after and sticks his tongue right alongside his fingers, and Chanyeol almost screams.

“Shh, baby, don’t wanna disturb your neighbours, yeah?”

“G-give me a warning, will… _ah_ , will y-you?” Jongdae just hums as he curls his fingers in Chanyeol’s ass, licking and sucking as much as he could before adding another finger, pushing the younger to the edge. 

Chanyeol groans as Jongdae hits his prostate continuously, his own dick bright red against his stomach and leaking with pre-cum.

“Hu-hurry up.” For good measure, Jongdae presses his fingers against the prostate a couple more times, before pulling out. He circles the tip of his lubed cock along the rim, before pushing in slowly. 

“So tight, so wet,” he moans, and realises Chanyeol has given up on his hands and is now lying flat against the sheets. He bottoms out, satisfied with how deep he’s in, but worries a little more about how the younger is feeling. Rubbing the other’s back, he kisses up his spine, “My good baby boy. You’re doing good.” Jongdae starts rocking back and forth once Chanyeol gives him the green light, pulling out until his cock is almost fully out, before pushing back in.

“You feel so good, fuck. Always so tight for me, my Yeollie. Things don’t change in ten years, huh? Let anyone else fuck you?”

“N-no…” Chanyeol moans loudly.

“Shhh, you have to be quiet, baby. Don’t you want to be good for daddy?” The younger shoves his face into the pillows. “You’re doing so well~” Jongdae was clearly taking his time, which Chanyeol has a love-hate relationship with, but he knows it’ll be all worth it in the end.

“Close, baby?” Chanyeol hums, and Jongdae must’ve taken mercy on him because he reaches around for his cock and jerks him off, the former coming into his hand within seconds.

“Wanna see you,” Jongdae pulls out and turns him over, licking some of the white liquid on his fingers before shoving it into Chanyeol’s mouth. “Wanna wreck you like I used to, wanna see you cry and beg for me to get you off.” Chanyeol was a little confused, he already got the younger off, but then he sees what Jongdae’s talking about. “Came so much that this would slide easily on… like this.”

“No, no, no,” Chanyeol cries. He should’ve really expected it; cock rings were Jongdae’s favourite toy afterall.

“It’s been too long, way too fucking long,” was all Jongdae said before plunging his dick back into the twitching pink hole. The younger moaned shamelessly and loudly, too oversensitive and overwhelmed, but _fuck_ , it felt so good. Jongdae chuckles hearing how sweet his lover sounded and bends down for an open-mouthed kiss; full of tongue and saliva.

“I want to hear you beg, baby.” Chanyeol shakes his head stubbornly, even when his cock is stone-hard and standing so red and proud again. At that, Jongdae quickened his pace, wanting to rile up the younger. “Come on, baby boy. Daddy wants to hear it~” Jongdae continues to thrust forward relentlessly, Chanyeol still refusing to budge but eventually, his back arches off the bed as he groans loudly.

“Came twice but I’m not even close. Might want to start begging before the bed breaks.” Jongdae continues moving at the same, unforgiving pace, Chanyeol still keeping his mouth shut by biting his lips down hard.

“Hey,” Jongdae suddenly whispers in a softer tone, removing Chanyeol’s bottom lip from his teeth and rubbing it gently, “You’re going to bleed, baby.” And maybe it’s how intimate that gesture is and the way the older is looking at him now that Chanyeol finally breaks.

“Please… Please let me…”

“Please let you what, Yeollie?” Jongdae removes his finger and smirks, quickening his pace again.

“Let me… let me cum,” he breathes out.

“I know you can do better than that, baby boy.”

“Da-daddy p-please. Please... let... m-me… cum,” Chanyeol breathes out.

“Do you think you’ve been a good boy, baby?” Chanyeol nods vigorously. “Should Daddy cum first or you?”

“Daddy c-can cum fir-first.”

“That’s right.” Jongdae hits his prostate a few more times before Chanyeol feels hot liquid filling up his hole. He couldn’t register Jongdae removing the ring until he felt the similar warmth on his own skin.

“What do you say, baby?”

“Thank… you… Daddy,” Chanyeol says in between breaths, and Jongdae finally pulls out.

They ended up cuddling each other to sleep that night; Chanyeol was already in deep sleep when Jongdae cleans them up. He was tired too, and collapsed on the bed just as he dropped the dirty towel.

* * *

“Jongdae, Jongdae!” He was shaken awake by a familiar voice, and as he rubs away at his eyes, he smiles at who he sees.

“Good morning, baby.”

“Are you fucking crazy?” Well, he guesses it wasn’t a good morning for Chanyeol, alright.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s 9 in the morning; and your phone’s blowing up,” the younger tosses the device to his chest, “What are you going to tell your husband and your kids?”

“ _Our_ kids, Yeollie.” Jongdae sighs as he switches it on, and sees a lot of notifications. He dials Sehun first, and he picks it up in 2 rings.

“So, you’re alive.”

“Yeah, sorry, had too much to drink and dozed off,” Jongdae lies easily; too easily for Chanyeol’s comfort.

“Mmm, the kids are worried about you. But they’re in school already so just text them. Got to go.” Chanyeol groans just as the other hangs up, “I called in sick. Fuck.” He feels sick to the stomach as he lays back down again, only for Jongdae to climb over him and start kissing up his bare torso. “Luckily for me, it’s my off-day. Until I have to pick the kids up at 2 for extra classes.”

“Extra?” Chanyeol softly moans after.

“Mhmm. Junho wants to learn the piano, Miyeon is doing ballet.”

“That’s nice.” Chanyeol feels his heart flutter to hear _his_ children being interested in interesting hobbies like these.

“Maybe next time you can play with Junho. He’s getting pretty good.”

“Yeah…” Chanyeol looks down at the older and sighs. He wishes it could be like this all the time; and while sleeping with a married man shouldn’t be a thing, it’s different when it comes to Jongdae. But...

“What’s wrong?” The older looks up worriedly.

“Nothing. Just… thinking.”

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Chanyeol stays silent for a while, before he voices out the question, "How long?"

"How long?"

"How long do you think we can keep this up? This... _arrangement_?"

"For as long as we want."

"That's not fair it is... to Sehun. To the kids...?"

"They don't know anything."

"I don't know how you can be perfectly alright with this."

"You're overthinking and worrying too much about it. Just stop, and enjoy it."

"But how-"

Jongdae sits up and stares down at the other, “I said don’t worry about it. Everything is going to turn out just fine.” He gets up and looks at the other, “Gonna come shower with me or what?” Chanyeol sighs before getting out of bed.

* * *

Jongdae picks up the kids after school, only for them to be surprised to see Chanyeol in the car too! They screamed when their father (Jongdae) had told them that they could go for a quick bite before their classes, and they had chatted Chanyeol's ears off until they parked in front of a pancake store.

Miyeon grabs his hand, "I wanna share with Uncle Chanyeol!" 

"Me too!!" Junho grabs the other as they find a place to sit.

"Well then. Guess Appa is having his own pancake." They ended up ordering 3 servings and sharing around anyway; the kids continued to storytell about their days, what they say, what they're learning in their classes etc. Chanyeol was equally as responsive, which Jongdae thinks the kids enjoyed and hopes this would happen more often.

"You're our other father, right? Should we call you Appa too? Then we have 3 fathers!" Junho says.

"Oh no… Just call me Uncle, okay? Sehun’s your Appa, not me."

Jongdae furrows his eyebrows, "You _are_ their father, Chanyeol."

"Yeah! We can call you Appa 2! Papa, Appa and Appa 2!" Miyeon suggests, not aware of the tension; and her brother reacts the same.

"I'm more comfortable if you called me Uncle, guys. Uncle Chanyeol," he says definitively.

"But you're our dad…?" Junho asks, confused.

Jongdae glares at the other, "Don't confuse them, Chanyeol. Yes, he's your father."

The other adult glares back, "I _am…_ your dad, biologically. But just call me Uncle. What if… what if your Appa feels sad because you're calling someone else your dad?"

"But Sehun isn't our dad. We all know that. He is Papa's husband, and our step-dad," Miyeon explains.

"Please just… just call me Uncle, okay?" The conversation ended there.

The twins begrudgingly said goodbye to Chanyeol, making him promise to come see them again. Like the last time, he just smiles at their requests before Jongdae pushes them to go into the building, and he drives to send Chanyeol back home.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Yeol? Is it that hard to accept they're your kids?!"

"I just don't want them to get too attached to me." _And me to them_ , he wanted to say. "Sehun has been more of their dad than I am anyway."

"That's because you were away. And now that you're back, you're not even giving yourself a chance to step up and be their father. No one's stopping you, not me, or Sehun; you're stopping yourself. They want to call you Dad because you _are_ their father, whether you like it or not. You do realise that, right? Let me refresh your memory in case you forgot how reproduction works. You put _your_ dick in _my_ hole without any protection, which we agreed on. And the white liquid that eventually comes out of the small slit at the tip of _your_ dick goes into _my_ reproductive organs that makes the babies. Chanyeol, Kim Miyeon and Kim Junho are _your_ kids. They need their father. They need _you_." Jongdae rants, slamming on the breaks when he belatedly sees the red light.

"They have their fathers. You and Sehun. They called me Appa _two_ . It doesn’t matter if I’m their real father because I’m their _third_ option. The three of you have survived without me for 9 years, and you have Sehun now, so you don’t really need me."

"And who are you to decide that, huh? I’m sick of you not acknowledging them as _your own_ kids, Yeol. They look like, they act like you. Heck, I can't even forget about you even if I tried the last 10 years because they remind me of _you_ ," he sobbed, "Everyday of my life I wished you were here with us because the kids… I knew you would've loved them so much. And I know you'd be a damn good father, even better than me, to them. I wished you were there to help me during all the late nights. God, they were such fussy babies," Jongdae chuckles. "So many nights… they were so hard on me but I kept going because I knew you would want me to. They reminded me of you too much, and that’s why I didn't give up. They are a part of me and you, they are what _we_ made; and I knew you would be so proud of us, so proud of _me_." The light turns green and he speeds. "They call Sehun Appa because he is the other parental figure they have in their lives till you came back. But they're smart, Chanyeol. They know you're their dad. What did you mean when you didn't want them to grow attached? It's not like you're going anywhere. Do you not want to be in their lives, Yeol? Tell me now so I will not let you get close to them. You're right, they shouldn't get attached if you're not willing to be their dad. Most importantly, do you not want to be in my life, Yeol? Do you not want me to be in yours? Tell me, Park Chanyeol. Tell me the truth."

* * *

The snow falls down on Chanyeol just as he leaves work the next day. It was still cold in the middle of January, but that's Arendelle for you: an eternal winter. What he didn’t expect though, was to see Junho and Miyeon in the lobby.

“What are you guys doing here? Do your fathers know you’re here?” From what he remembers, Sehun was on the business trip Jongdae was talking about, and the latter was at work.

His daughter shakes his head, “We came here ourselves. Appa taught us.”

“Yeah, we wanted to see you. We don’t have any classes right now. Let’s go get ice cream!!” Junho pulls one hand, Miyeon the other, as they pull him towards a certain direction.

“Uh, shouldn’t you tell one of your dads at least? They will worry.”

“Appa is overseas and Papa is working. It’s just going to be a short trip! Come on!”

Miyeon orders rocky road, while Junho orders cotton candy as they sat down with their ice cream cones.

“You like mint chocolate, Uncle Chanyeol?” He nodded at Junho’s question and sat awkwardly. He didn’t expect to get ambushed by two kids; his _own_ two kids, but alas, he’s here anyway. 

“We wanna spend more time with our other father. Is that okay?” Miyeon asks, and Chanyeol nodded his head again.

“Why did you and Papa sleep together yesterday? We asked him but he never really answered our question.” At Junho’s statement, Chanyeol chokes on the frozen treat, and Miyeon gives him her cup of water.

“Um… Papa was tired so I let him sleep.”

“Did you sleep together?”

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol tries to act innocent.

“On the same bed,” Miyeon clarifies.

“Um. I… I don’t remember. I was tired too. By the time I woke up, your dad was already awake.” They seem to buy the fake answer for now, before they got into their desserts again. 

Junho asks, “Do you love us?” Chanyeol nods, “You’re my children, of course I do.”

“Do you still love Papa?” Miyeon asks this time. Chanyeol nods again; like Jongdae said, he has nothing to lose when he’s already lost everything.

“Do you still want him?” Chanyeol softly sighs; he wished he could tell the kids what he told their father yesterday, but he doesn’t know if they would understand.

_“Tell me the truth.”_

_Chanyeol doesn’t really say anything to that till they reach his apartment building, and he unbuckles his seat belt. “What I want versus what I can have are two very different things. Unfortunately, I don’t exactly have a say in that matter. It’s all been decided for me even before I knew I had options.” He thanks Jongdae before getting out of the car, grateful the older man didn't do anything to stop him._

“It’s complicated. Your dad is married now, to someone else. I’m not about to get in between that.”

“But you both still love each other! That’s why he goes to your house so much,” Miyeon says. _Oh, if only they knew what else their father loved._

“We care for each other a lot. Because we have one thing in common: you guys.”

“Papa showed us a picture of you before, it’s just you’re really, really tall in real life,” Miyeon says.

“Show us your battle scars!! You must have a lot right? You were gone 10 years!” Junho chimes in, touching Chanyeol’s arms to look for a scratch.

“I do have them but they’re all so scary. I don’t t-”

“Excuse me?” Chanyeol looks up to see a small man looking at them, but it seems like the twins recognised them.

“Uncle Myeon!!”

“Hey kids, what are you doing here?” _Myeon_ looks at Chanyeol, “May I ask if you know the kids personally?”

“Yeah! He’s our Appa Chanyeol!!” Junho exclaims, “We wanted to eat ice cream.”

“Oh… Appa?” The stranger was confused, Chanyeol could tell.

“Yeah! Papa and Appa Chanyeol made us!” Miyeon excitedly says.

“Oh, I see. Sorry about that.”

“No problem,” Chanyeol awkwardly answers the other.

“I’m Kim Junmyeon. I’m Sehun’s friend.” He extends his hand out to shake, and Chanyeol reciprocates it, “Park Chanyeol.”

“Ah, the name rings a bell now,” Junmyeon smiles, “Anyway, I best be going. Bye kids, I’ll see you soon, okay?” The twins bid the other goodbye before Junmyeon walks out of the store.

“So show us your scars!!” Junho looks at his dad excitedly. 

“Junh-” Chanyeol couldn’t even continue when his phone suddenly rang. _Jongdae?_

“Hello?”

“Yeol, the kids… The kids are not back from school yet, I don’t know where they are and they have never done this before…” Jongdae rushes out panicked. 

“Dae,” Chanyeol says a little fondly, “The kids… they’re with me.”

“ _What_?”

“The twins are with me. We went out together.” Chanyeol looks at them, and he’s rather glad to see them look nervous.

“Why are they with you?! Why didn’t they tell me?!” Miyeon and Junho’s faces scrunched up, hearing their dad raise his voice over the phone like that.

“I’ll bring them home? Or to the bakery?”

“Are you near the bakery?”

“Um, I’m not sure, I’ll ask them.”

“We’re near the bakery,” Miyeon answers even before Chanyeol could cover the phone.

“Yeah, we are,” Chanyeol relays the message.

“Just come here,” Jongdae sighs, “I’ll see you then.”

“ _Oh no_ ,” Junho says as they walk into the bakery to their father glaring at them.

“And what were you thinking?” Jongdae glares at Chanyeol, “You can’t just take the kids away like t-”

“He didn’t! We knew Appa worked at Appa Sehun’s office so we went there ourselves and surprised him. We just wanna spend time with our father,” Miyeon defends Chanyeol.

“Why didn’t you just ask me? I’ll bring you guys to him.”

The twins looked at each other, before looking down.

“Be honest with me,” Jongdae sterned.

“We wanted to hang out with him without you!” Junho says, before cowering into Chanyeol. The bakery wasn’t that empty, but you could hear a pin drop after that comment.

“You could have just… told me that, instead of going behind my back,” Jongdae frowns, “No phones for the rest of the week; not like you use it to contact me anyway. Appa Sehun doesn’t know either, right?” The twins nodded solemnly. Jongdae reaches out his hands, and the twins reluctantly give him back their flip phones, and immediately retreats to the back.

“Guess you’re not the third option then,” Jongdae rubs his face, groaning softly, “Sorry I blamed you for this entire thing.”

“It’s fine, I should’ve told you myself.”

“You wouldn’t have known th-”

“I knew.” Jongdae’s face grew dark at that, and he puts two pieces together, “You wanted to spend time with the kids without me too.” Chanyeol looks down guiltily, and Jongdae pulls him to the back.

“I don’t get you, Yeol. You kept saying the kids didn’t need you, they have someone else… Then the next day, you went to hang out with them without even telling me. So do you want them now?”

“I said it yesterday, Jongdae. What I can have and what I want are two diff-”

“Answer the question.”

“I…” He sees over Jongdae’s shoulder, the twins looking back at them, anticipating Chanyeol’s answer. 

“I do,” he breathes out, “But I _can’t_. What about Sehun?”

“You think Sehun wouldn't let the kids see you and vice versa? He’s not heartless.”

“He wouldn’t mind?” Before Chanyeol could get an answer, both kids ran up to him happily, hugging his legs and thanking him.

“I love you Appa!” “Yeah, love you, Appa.”

Chanyeol smiles, “I love you both too.”

Jongdae sends Chanyeol home, but not before talking to him about the issue again, this time without the ears of their kids.

“So you want them,” he states, and Chanyeol nodded his head. “What about _me_?” Jongdae asks softly.

“Jongdae, you have Sehun now. I can’t do that to you or him.”

“You weren’t thinking about Sehun when you were calling me ‘ _Daddy_ ’.” Chanyeol sighs, “I just…”

“Well, _I want you._ ” Jongdae looks at his kids, “Tomorrow night. I’ll get my brothers to take care of the kids and I’ll come over. You can tell me how much you want me then.”

“Jongd-” But the older man wouldn’t hear any of it when he walks back to the car and shuts the door, before driving off. _Fuck. Chanyeol’s so screwed. Fuck._

* * *

He didn’t know what to expect. Was he supposed to provide dinner? Or just sex? Wait, why was he even considering sex when Jongdae is very obviously cheating on his husband? God, Chanyeol’s such a horrible person.

And of course, Jongdae, being full of surprises, appears at the door just as Chanyeol came home, and he worries even more when he sees the big, but very beautiful smile on his face. Oh how he misses that.

“Hey, love,” Jongdae greets, kissing the tip of his nose. The younger reddens at the familiar nickname, but unlocks the door anyway.

“Hi.”

“How was work?” Jongdae invites himself and places the bags of food on the counter.

“It was fine, the usual. Yours?” 

“I had a day off today.” Jongdae takes out all the food and puts it out, “I bought and brought your favourites. Not sure whether you had them yet since you came home.” Chanyeol shuffles nervously on his feet but smiles at the other anyway, and thanks him for the food.

“Yeol. Let’s just act like we did ten years ago, okay? I don’t want to think about anything else anymore, I just want tonight to be about us.” Jongdae stands in front of the younger, and he looks at him like he used to a decade ago, with so much love and fondness. Gosh, Chanyeol’s heart hurts.

“Okay. Just us 2.”

They both talked about everything and anything under the sun. Chanyeol told some stories about his time at war, how much he misses the other, especially his homemade food. Jongdae talks more about his temporary jobs in the entertainment industry, before deciding working at the bakery was more than enough. How Jongin took months before his current girlfriend even agreed to go on a date with him; sounds sad but in actuality, hilarious. Chanyeol mentions that he misses his family, and Jongdae tells him about the argument with his father.

“I love him… but it really hurts. I expected it from anyone else, but not your own family. The same people who saw… who saw you at your lowest point,” Jongdae sobs, cuddling further into the younger. They had retreated to the sofa after dinner to watch a movie, but had just talked and paid the movie no mind. “Sehun… I only married him to get them off my back,” Jongdae admits. His parents had introduced them together with an expectation of marriage, or dating at least. He finally relented to get married so the twins could have another dad; they’d always comment on how everyone else in school had two parents, whereas they only had one.

“I love Sehun, but not the same kind of love I have for you. He knows that, I think. He loves me I think, like he is in love with me, but he knows I can never love him the way I do you.” Jongdae was sobbing into Chanyeol’s sleeve now; he doesn’t usually get emotional, but tonight was different, Chanyeol feels. It felt like they were both transported to 11 years ago; exhausted from work yet glued to each other until they fell asleep at night. The other times they hung out, they talked before one gets fucked into the sheets or kitchen counter (depending on whether they could make it), so to just not think about sex at all was relieving to Chanyeol.

“I wish… I wish I waited a little longer, or you came back a little sooner. And we don’t have to go through all of this and our only obstacle would be which house we wanted to get or… what cereals we want to buy…” Chanyeol kept silent at that, also wishing the circumstances were much better than this.

“What do you think?” Jongdae turns to Chanyeol, “What would you do if you were me?”

“I… I don’t know.” He doesn’t know whether he would’ve cheated on his husband, he doesn’t know what he’d do with the twins…

“Do you think I’m a horrible person? Cheating on Sehun like this.” 

Instead of answering, he asks back, “Do you feel bad? Do you regret it?”

“I just wish it wasn’t Sehun who I’m doing it to. Wish it was someone worse. But… it’s also you. And I love you above anyone else, except the twins of course. So, no. I don't regret a single second."

“Does Sehun treat you right?”

“Yeah. He does.” Chanyeol feels sick to his stomach.

“He seems like a great guy.”

“He’s a good guy. I really wish he’d turn out to be a dickhead or something,” Jongdae jokes as he noses along his jawline. “Then maybe I wouldn’t feel guilty at all.” He pauses before continuing, “I don’t regret you, but doesn’t mean I don’t have a conscience. Just wish everything is different and that I can be with you the way that I want without hurting anyone else.”

Now Chanyeol feels a little nauseous. 

“You still have work tomorrow, right? Let’s sleep.”

“I love you, Chanyeol. I really do.”

“I love you too,” Chanyeol says back as he lays back down onto the bed. And _that is why I have to do this, I’m sorry._

* * *

Sehun comes home, exhausted and honestly ready to sleep for the next 2 days. He sees Jongdae cleaning up the counter while greeting Sehun with a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey. Did you miss me?”

“Not your whining, for sure. Just leave your bags there and I’ll unpack them for you.” Sehun nodded his head and stretched.

“Oh hyung. I didn’t know Chanyeol-ssi was moving.”

“ _Moving?_ ”

“Yeah. He submitted his resignation last week. I just read it on the plane ride back. His reason was that he is moving out of town. Didn’t he tell you about it?” Jongdae pales and his head gets numb, “No. No, he didn’t.”

* * *

_Chanyeol giggles as he scoots back bit by bit on the bed, Jongdae catching his lips unsuccessfully._

_“Ya! I’m trying to bless you with my lips that you love kissing so much.”_

_“They’re addictive, yes; but I enjoy teasing you more.” Jongdae pouts, and with all his might, slams dunk onto Chanyeol on the bed, who groans at the impact. “Yeah, you deserve it.” He wraps his arms around the younger, capturing his lips into a very slow, deep kiss. Their tongues played together beautifully, complementing each other’s rhythm, and it only got deeper as Jongdae tightened his hold on Chanyeol. The latter, sensing something was wrong, pulls away and asks him just that._

_“Does there need to be something wrong for me to want to hold you?” He wipes the dripping saliva away from Chanyeol’s mouth, then leaning his forehead against the other’s. “I just… I just feel like something is going to happen. And I don’t want to lose you again.” Something changed in Chanyeol’s eyes, Jongdae did see it, and it only fuels his wild imaginations further._

_“Yeol. Tell me you’re not going to leave me, please.”_

_Chanyeol’s eyes turn a little glassy, “You’re beautiful. Always have been.” Jongdae’s heart hurts instead of flutter when he hears that, and instead of questioning it, he leans in and kisses him again, hoping to forget the regretful look in the younger’s eyes._

* * *

“Chanyeol! Chanyeol, open this fucking door!!” Jongdae bangs the door loudly, only to garner the attention of the landlord. 

“Kim Jongdae, I assume?”

“Um yes.” The landlord presented him with an envelope, “He told me to give this to you if you came.”

“Wh-when… when did he leave?”

“This morning, son.”

Jongdae rushes to the bus station, in hopes to be able to catch the younger wherever he is. He hasn’t read the letter yet, but it doesn’t matter. He couldn’t let Chanyeol go again. Never again. He runs throughout the terminal, not minding the people he’s bumped into, when he finally spotted the tall man. Chanyeol was in the line to board the bus.

“Chanyeol!” Jongdae pulls him to the side, and sees that his eyes are a little red.

“Jong…”

“You weren’t going to tell me?! You were going to fucking leave without telling me?”

“Jo-”

“Why are you leaving me again, Chanyeol?! Why? I told you I love you and then you leave me. What about the kids? What about _your_ kids?!” Jongdae cries out loud, “WHY?!”

“I… I explained everything in the letter. Dae, you have to understand. We can’t continue living like this; sleeping around behind Sehun’s back and then acting like you guys are one big happy family. I can’t live like this anymore. You have to understand.”

“But I love you, shouldn’t that be enough for you to stay?”

“It is. But it’s not enough for _you_ to be able to stay with _me_. To be with me.” He pushes the letter that Jongdae was carrying into his hands even harder, “Please read this. I’m sorry. And I love you. I did 10 years ago, and I still do now.” 

“If you really loved me, you’d stay,” Jongdae sniffled, “I hate you so much, Park Chanyeol. I never want to see you again.” And with his parting statement, Jongdae delivers one last slap to the other’s cheek, and runs away.

_My love, Jongdae._

_I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry._

_There is never a day I’d regret being with you. Like you, I enjoyed every second of our time together again - be it good or bad - and if we could, I’d want to be with you the way I want us to too._

Jongdae drops the kids off to school, bidding them goodbye before going to the supplier’s factory to pick up some supplies before heading off to the bakery. He tries to focus on the road.

_Whatever we were doing, it’s not only hurting your husband, but it’s also hurting us. We don’t dare admit it, but everytime we’re together serves as a reminder that we actually can’t be together, and that we don’t have the best of circumstances right now to do what we both want; which is to be together._

_You may not know this but… everytime I see you and the twins, I think a lot about Sehun. I think a lot about how you’ve all survived without me thus far, and what Sehun has done for you. I feel like an outsider in my own family, Dae. I never had any of my own family other than you, but what hurts the most is that it seems like I lost the only family that ever mattered to me:_ **_You_ ** _._

He laughs with the owner of the shop before thanking him and saying goodbye; the car is all loaded up with the best chocolate and tea they could find, before making the hour trip back home.

_Being together only reminded me what I’ve lost, and while I thought I may be okay with that, that I can live with that, I realised that I can’t. In the long run, what would happen to us? Would we continue to sleep behind everyone’s back? Or do we stop and continue to co-parent amongst the 3 of us? I don’t think I can do either, and to think about it, the best move was to remove myself from the equation altogether. So that’s what I did._

“Hyung, you don’t have to. I told you that you can rest for the week,” Jongin sighs, helping his brother out with the supplies.

“It’s fine. I’ve nothing else to do anyway. Don’t wanna mope at home and possibly destroy myself mentally.”

_I am at peace leaving you with someone that’s good for not only you, but the children. While it may not be the ideal decision for you, it would be good for you in the long run. I need you to move on from me, for good this time. You have a great family, a great husband, and a great support system. I’m not able to give you all of that. You moving on from me and moving forward with the family you already have is more than enough to make me happy, and I really hope you do. Your happiness has always been my main priority, and if that meant that I had to leave so you can move on and continue the life you had without me, then so be it._

Jongdae sharpens the knife in his hand and turns it over to admire it. Shiny and sharp, just the way h-

“Done with the knife?” Minseok asks as he takes it away from Jongdae and starts chopping up the chocolate. Jongdae makes himself useful elsewhere.

_I know you may think that no, me leaving wouldn’t make you happier. But if I hadn’t returned in the first place, the process of you moving on would be faster, and you would come to realise I was the obstacle all along. You can’t keep holding on to the things you lost, they’re not there anymore. We’re not there anymore. You can’t keep holding onto me, Dae. You have to move on._

Jongdae lights up a cigarette at the roof of the building. He doesn’t exactly smoke, but since he saw it in Jongin’s bag, he thought ‘Why not even give it a shot?’ He coughs right after, the nicotine has a very strange flavour on his tongue, and decides he hates it, crushing it by his feet.

_Regarding the twins… There was a reason why I didn’t want to get attached to them. For one, I don’t feel like their father, but you knew that. Secondly, we lost ten years of our lives together because of the war, and while we can always gain it back, I see Sehun and think twice. I couldn’t do this to an innocent man; taking away his husband, taking away his kids, taking away what is his rightfully. What we did was wrong, and while I don’t regret doing it, I also cannot continue living with this guilt and burden on my shoulders._

Jongdae sees the twins come in, bags almost dropping from their shoulders as they ask for some ice chocolate and cookies as a little ‘pick-me-up’. Their father gives it to them, reminding them to eat slowly before driving them off to their respective piano and ballet classes.

_I think the twins would forget about me eventually. Which is a good thing, because I want them to live happily, with little worries, with two parents who love them dearly; one of them loving them like their own even if they aren’t._

_If there’s one thing though… I don’t think I’ll ever forget about you, Miyeon and Junho. I sound hypocritical, asking you to move on and forget about me, but the truth is… I waited 10 years to be with you again. And I’d wait a hundred, thousands of years more. Maybe in another lifetime, we can be happily together again, just like we did ten years ago. Maybe whoever’s up there will finally have mercy on us, and we’d be reunited as lovers once again. We can make more beautiful memories and maybe kids together, and we can die and be buried side-by-side._

_But for now, it’s not possible. Destiny doesn’t want us together, and that’s okay._

_So please, my love, please move on and forget about me. Not the memories, not our time together. I want you to remember those positively and happily. But please forget about me from the very second the train left the station so long ago, from the very second our hands were forced apart and separated us for the next 10 years._

_I lived for you and I long for you._

_I love you with all my heart, body and soul; and that’s why I have to do this. Your happiness can’t lie with me anymore, which is why I have to leave so you can finally move on and forward. Jongdae-ya, please let me go._

_Please tell the kids Uncle Chanyeol loves them too, and if one day we meet again, we can all be together again, hopefully, for the rest of our lives._

_But for now. Goodbye, my love. I’m sorry, and I love you so much._

_Till we meet again, no matter how long it takes._

_Yours forever,_

_Park Chanyeol._


	6. Chapter 6

It has been 5 years since Chanyeol’s return, and a little less than that since he last saw the younger. It really did seem like Jongdae was never going to see him again. It really shouldn’t have hurt this badly too, but it does, and as every day passes, it seems like the small glimmer of hope is slowly disappearing a little more each day. He doesn’t know why he’d think Chanyeol would come back, but he knows deep in his heart, he wants to see the younger again, even if their parting words say otherwise.

He misses his warmth. He misses his touch. He misses him, and his heart is hurting so badly because of his absence.

Jongdae does tell Sehun about their little affair; to which his husband wasn’t surprised, but had asked for a divorce anyway.

_“Anyone can tell you’d never get over the same man that left you,” Sehun sighs, “No one can match up to him, and I don’t think you would settle for anyone else but him.”_

Jongdae was tired and done from begging, so he signed the papers the same day his ex-husband presented it. He too feels that he can never get over the former soldier, and the fact that he pushed him away, being alone would be the right punishment for him.

The twins were never legally adopted by the other, so it’s back to just Jongdae and the twins; and strangely enough, the twins seem to be okay with that.

-

Oh and another thing. Right.

“Daehan, please. _Please_ I beg, please sleep for Papa, okay?” The 2-year-old toddler just continues crying loudly throughout the house at 2 in the morning, and Jongdae is just about done with the day that barely even started. 

Yes, Chanyeol left him with yet another child, and he couldn’t even find the other father. He only found out just as Sehun divorced him, and he didn’t want to make the other feel obligated to stay for a child that’s not his, so he kept mum until the baby was born. Sehun did reach out to him after, asking if Jongdae needed any help, but when he sees the younger hold hands with none other than his best friend, he thinks it’s better to just do this alone, _again_.

* * *

Christmas is now a bittersweet affair for Jongdae. Every year, no, _everyday_ , he tries not to look around for the sight of his lost love, and to suppress whatever hope he has to see Chanyeol again. But he has to make an extra effort when Winter rolls around, and this period out of the entire year would always be the hardest for him. As the 4 of them walk into the bakery, they are greeted by their uncles happily as Jongdae goes to the back to settle down. He has been doing the admin work rather than front-of-house, so he can have more time to take care of Daehan.

“Here, hyung. Hannie finally asleep?”

“Yeah, finally,” Jongdae sighs. Maybe he is getting older, but taking care of Daehan was much more tiring than the twins combined. He finally got Daehan to sleep on the way from the car to the bakery, walking around the entire block thrice before going into the shop. Making sure he was still asleep in the crib, he settles down gently on his seat and starts with the paperwork, while his kids sit in front of him to finish their own things. It was almost Christmas, and Jongdae hadn't even bought their presents yet. Thank goodness Jongin said he would do it for him; he’s honestly so thankful for his family.

Come Christmas Eve, Jongdae rushes everyone out of the house, after making sure they were properly dressed for the cold weather. They reached the Kim's at a little after 6pm, everyone getting each other a Merry Christmas, and placing their presents accordingly under the tree. 

Still panting a little from the rush, Jongdae was still observant enough to notice something.

"Nini?"

The younger man comes out and asks softly, "Yeah, hyung?"

"Where are the gifts I told you to buy for me?" Jongin evidently freezes up a little before answering, "I… They're coming, hyung."

"What do you mean _coming_?" 

"I mean… They’re on their way."

"Ok, so are they coming this year or…?" Jongdae sarcastically asks. Just then, the doorbell rang and he saw his little brother brighten up, "They're here!!!" 

Bouncing a sleepy Daehan in his arms, he waits to see what Jongin is up to, until the latter beckons him over to the door. “Go and get them, I think I hear mom calling me. Also, I’ll take Hannie.” Before he gets a chance to say anything, Jongin carries Daehan away and nudges him towards the door. 

“Seriously, Nini?” Jongdae huffs before going to the door to greet the delivery man. He puts on his coat and boots, bracing himself for the cold and when he finally looks up, he freezes. No, not from the cold, but from the figure standing at the other end of the pathway.

"Hi."

Now speechless and unmoving, Jongdae struggles to breathe and hold his tears altogether as he tries to process the current situation.

"Is… is it really you?"

Like his former lover, Chanyeol also stood still at where he was, a little hesitant, as he replied, "Yes. It's me… I'm back." 

Jongdae's face falls and he starts to tear up, his legs taking him forward as he jumps into the younger man's arms.

"I… I thought you were gone forever." 

"I'm here. Is… is that okay?"

The older nods vigorously as he starts to sob into his shoulder, "Yes, yes it is more than okay." Relieved, he leans himself against the other’s bigger chest, sobbing into Chanyeol's crisp blue button-up. The latter wraps his arms more tightly around the smaller.

"I thought you left me…" He says each word between his breaths, "I thought you left me for good." Jongdae was full-on crying in his chest now, Chanyeol tearing up at finally processing what was going on - that he was back in the arms of someone he’s longed for.

"I'm here now… I won't leave you again. I'm sorry."

-

Apparently, Jongdae's family had looked high and low for the ex-soldier, with Minseok finally finding him a couple of towns over, staying in a really nice apartment. The 11 months Chanyeol was gone, he got himself a job as a radio DJ, and that was how Minseok had found him. He recognised the familiar voice, even if Chanyeol's DJ name is DJ LOEY; and the very next day drove all the way there with his father to look for Chanyeol.

-

Chanyeol wasn't going to lie, the surprise visit from Jongdae's father and Minseok was rather, well, _shocking_. It almost felt like an ambush; the two having found him at where he works and waiting for him to come out.

“I was the one who told him to move on. To move on from _you_ , because you were dead, and you weren’t coming back.” He sighs, “Till this day, I regret saying that, not because we found out you were alive, but because I broke and betrayed my own son. Jongdae was so fragile… the twins had kept him alive, if not for them… I don’t know what he would’ve done. His heart was already broken when he lost you, and for me to say what I said, broke him even more. Did you know he hasn’t looked me in the eyes since then? It’s been almost 3 years. Nothing breaks a father’s heart more than to let your child down.

He never stopped loving you. My Jongdae is so hopelessly devoted to you, but I figured since you were gone anyway, Jongdae wouldn’t want to marry anyone else. So it would be fine if he married Sehun. But… I’ve always lived with this guilt knowing how devoted you are to my son too. No one treated him as well as you did when you were younger. The years you were gone, Jongdae is still loyal to you, and I always thought that if you were alive, I knew you’d be loyal to him too. Heck, I knew you’d still be loyal even in the afterlife, or if the positions were reversed." Jongdae's father sighed, "And that’s the guilt I’m living with, knowing I came between the both of you for selfish reasons. And for that Chanyeol, I truly apologise.”

Chanyeol didn’t expect the big… _speech?_ coming from Jongdae’s father, and his hazy mind couldn’t really process it all well.

"Sehun had asked Jongdae for a divorce, because my son told him about your affair. He didn't even fight it; I think he takes it as some sort of cruel punishment for… for being the reason you left again. Jongdae's also pregnant." Chanyeol widened his eyes at that, and momentarily stopped breathing.

"He's 7 months along, and the baby is yours. He is barely holding on. So please, I beg you, Chanyeol. Please come back. Jongdae, the twins and the newborn baby need you." 

Chanyeol had told them he wasn't ready yet; he only just got the job and wanted to settle down properly, earn some money before thinking about stepping in back into their lives. He promised to come back, but he needed the time. Jongdae's father and brother could only nod and thank him, understanding where he was coming from. They have both been through so much, and it was only fair to give them both the space they needed.

And he came home just in time for Christmas 3 years later.

* * *

After standing there and hugging for a while, Jongdae eventually pulls away and smiles up at Chanyeol.

“My Channie. I’ve missed you so much.” Jongdae does shine the brightest when he smiles, Chanyeol thinks.

“I missed you too. _No matter how long it takes_ , right?”

“ _ **No matter how long it takes.**_ ” Jongdae tears up again, and as the snow falls and the street and fairy lights twinkle around them, he leans in and captures the other’s lips in a long awaited kiss. Chanyeol sighs into it too, because finally, _finally_ they’re together again, and that’s all that matters.

Laden with gifts in their hands, Chanyeol walks into the living room and places them down under the tree. He was instantly ambushed by Jongdae’s family, but they were more so relieved to see their son or brother with a genuine smile again.

“And what are you two doing there?” Jongdae speaks up after the chaos, “Come and say hi.” Chanyeol looks to the side to see the twins huddled in a corner, looking curiously over at the reunion but not knowing whether they should join or not. He takes a first step forward by squatting in front of them, and says, “Hello. I’m Park Chanyeol. I’m your other dad.” He opens up his arms and is suddenly pushed down by both kids, in a wrestling hug as the other family members look on happily.

“Welcome home, Dad.”

“We missed you.”

“I missed you both too.”

“Daehan, meet your Dad.” The toddler leans against Jongdae’s shoulder before pointing at Chanyeol, “Da?” Jongdae bums and tries to pass their son over to Chanyeol, but Daehan only holds on to the older.

“It’s okay, I’m still new to him.” Chanyeol had gone over to Jongdae’s house after the party, and both parents were right by Daehan as he had woken up around 12 in the morning. 

“He’s teething, so hopefully it passes soon.” 

“I'm sorry.”

“What for?”

“I’ve already missed 13 years of the twins’ life, and 2 of his. And you had to do it all alone. I should’ve come back earlier, I’m sorry.”

“Hey. It’s alright, baby. As long as you're here now, it’s all that matters. You needed your space. You were fighting for your life for ten years, Channie, don’t beat yourself up for it. I understand, we all do.” Daehan stood between them quietly, thumb in his mouth (which Jongdae eventually took out), as he looked at the stranger curiously.

Chanyeol only nodded at that and leaned against the crib, “He looks just like you.”

“Yeah? _Finally_. Carried the twins for 9 months only for them to be carbon copies of you and not me. Hannie here is undoubtedly mine,” Jongdae jokes.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Do all this. Alone.” 

“My family has been very helpful. But… thinking about you keeps me going. ‘What would Chanyeol want me to do?’, ‘What would Chanyeol do if he was here, or if he was in my position?’” Jongdae sighs, “I know you wouldn’t want me to give this all up, and we used to talk about having kids. All 3 of them have and are a part of you too; I wouldn’t ever give them up or give up on them just for that sole reason.”

Suddenly, Daehan sits up and leans his entire body weight towards Chanyeol, so the younger quickly carries him from his other father and hugs him close. Jongdae smiles at the sight; this is what he’s always wanted. _Chanyeol here with him and the kids._ Daehan babbles a little, finally looking a little sleepy and drowsy.

“Bounce him a little, Yeol. He likes that.” Chanyeol didn’t move even when Jongdae says that, and when the latter raises his brow, the former admits, “I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“That I’ll drop him? He's pretty fragile.”

Jongdae chuckles, “He’s also 2. It’s fine. Babies and toddlers are much stronger than us adults.” The younger nodded timidly as he tested the waters and bounced a little, and soon enough, Daehan was sound asleep, thumb not even in his mouth.

“What is this?” Jongdae clicks his mouth softly, “He’s already asleep!” The toddler was already drooling onto Chanyeol’s shirt, as Jongdae suggests, “Why don’t you put him in the crib?” Chanyeol looked terrified, and the other dad just laughed softly, “Come on, I’ll help you. It’s your first daddy duty.”

“I like that word better when you’re und-”

“Do not even think about finishing that sentence.” Jongdae guides Chanyeol to place the child down, miraculously still asleep, slowly and gently into the crib, the younger breathing a sigh of relief once he sees Daehan continue to sleep. They closed the door behind them and stood at the living room.

“Good job, daddy.”

“The kids call me dad.”

“And I call you _daddy_.” Jongdae winks before asking, “Staying the night?”

“Should I? I don’t know; is it too fast?”

“We don’t have to have sex, Yeol. I kinda… I wanna start... not from the beginning but…”

“But anew?”

“Something like that… I just want to start again slowly this time. We have another chance at this, Yeollie. Let’s learn and get to know each other again. It’s going to be different, so that’d make this more interesting.”

“So… no sex?”

“Ya!” Jongdae hits the other playfully, “Is that all you take me for?!”

Chanyeol laughs wholeheartedly now, “You didn’t let me finish what I’m trying to say! The reason why I took so long is because… I wanted to learn about myself a little more. And… I was going to learn to move on but your dad and brother came, and I realised that I not only needed to learn about myself, but to take care of you and the children too. To be a great significant other to you and a great father figure to the kids too. Although I may not be… perfect with that yet, I know that the best way to learn is by doing it myself. I want to grow and learn with you, Jongdae-ya. I want to be with you and with the children for the rest of our lives. I’m ready now.” Jongdae looks at him with glassy eyes as he smiles widely, “Welcome home.”

* * *

Chanyeol does stay the night - it was almost 1am anyway, and yes, they did just sleep (and cuddle), no sex was involved. It felt right and good not to rush into anything, and maybe that’s what they needed at the moment, just to gradually ease themselves into this very new routine, not only for them, but for the children as well.

The next morning, the twins came running into the room; a little shocked to see another figure in their father’s bed, but all welcome nonetheless. 

“You bought us more presents?!” Junho cheers. Chanyeol confused a little, it was a very different morning for him after all - screaming children coming to disturb him in the morning, before Jongdae kicked them out of the room.  
“Your Dad isn’t used to your morning ambush. Come disturb him later.”

 _Later_ , brought Chanyeol to the dining hall to the smell of fresh pancakes and coffee.

“Morning dad!”

Chanyeol wasn’t used to someone calling him dad, so it did take him a while to reply, “Good morning, kids.”

“Morning, dad~” Junho comes into the hall and sits at the table.

“Can you get Daehan up please, Yeol? He’s usually awake by this time.”

“Uh,” Chanyeol hesitates, “Okay.”

“It’ll be fine. You put him to sleep last night!”

“What… What if he cries?” The twins giggled along with their other father. “Just carry him!” Miyeon suggests.

Chanyeol slowly walks to the toddler’s room, looking like he was delaying the inevitable, but as he stands outside, he knows he has to do it. Gently opening the door, he sees the toddler sitting right up, sniffling, not crying yet, just sniffling, and then looking at the door. Chanyeol sees the moment the toddler acknowledges him and his frown turns into a pout.

“No, no, baby. It’s me, your Dad.” Chanyeol quickly scurries in and extends his hand to the toddler's face, almost like he’s trying to get a stray cat or dog to smell his fingers to get them to be familiar with his scent. Daehan does sniff it, and immediately opens up his arms to be carried. Chanyeol’s heart flutters with happiness as he picks the little boy up, still sniffling, but a little lesser than minutes prior.

“Good morning, sunshine. How did you sleep?” Daehan just puts a thumb into his mouth and leans his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Okay, let’s not do that, baby. Shall we eat?”

“Oh? Hannie’s not crying!” Junho comments as soon as he sees his father and brother appear. Jongdae looks so proud of Chanyeol as the latter puts down the baby in his chair, little pancakes already prepared for him.

“Daehan usually cries when he wakes up. Did he, upstairs?” Chanyeol shakes his head, “He was sniffling, but no crying.”

“Good job, dad!”

“Yeah, great job, Yeollie.” Jongdae pecks him on the cheek before passing a plate of pancakes, “Just the way you like it.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“So what, are you like boyfriends now? Are you getting married?” Miyeon asks. The adults only looked at each other, before Jongdae gave the standard reply, “We’re your parents first.” The twins groaned, not buying the fake act.

“They kissed each other, so safe to say they’re boyfriends at least.”

“We haven’t discussed anything yet, Jun. We only reunited yesterday, give us some time, geez.”

“Just saying. You’re both in love with each other, separated for years and years,” Miyeon over-dramatises, “It’s like a fairytale, and _now_ is the time you get married.”

“And how are we going to get married with 3 kids? Who’s going to take care of Daehan?”

“We will, of course!!” Junho exclaims, “You will have the best wedding thanks to us!” Both men just chuckles at their enthusiasm, “Not now, okay? Let us get reacquainted with each other, okay? Dad wants to get to know you both too.”

“Yeah. I barely know you guys, and you’re my own children. And it’s been awhile with your dad… I want to get to know him too. We’re all different now.”

Junho shrugs, “As long as you’re staying this time, Dad.”

“Yeah, I’ll stay.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah, I promise I’ll stay this time. With the both of you, with Daehan, and with your Papa.” The entire family sported similar bright smiles.

* * *

Chanyeol did indeed bring them more presents - ranging from toys to books; all under the suggestions of their uncles - and he had brought Jongdae a little something familiar too. 

“3 this time? For each year you were gone?” Jongdae immediately puts on the charms on the anklet, only to find he has run out of space.

“What about the 10 years you were at war? Didn’t you love Papa then? Where are the charms for those?” Miyeon asks. Chanyeol only chuckles before he pulls out three more similar sized boxes. The twins gasp and scramble to open them themselves since their Papa was taking his own sweet time, but Jongdae eventually opens all at once to stare at 2 anklets, all with 5 charms on it each, and another empty one.

“I know you’d run out, so I got you another one. The twins must’ve read my mind, because these 2 anklets,” Chanyeol points to the ones with charms on them, “Represents my love for you during the decade I was gone.”

Jongdae looks shell-shocked, before suddenly pouncing on Chanyeol, sobbing, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!!” 

He doesn’t know whether wearing all 4 anklets was weird, but Jongdae doesn’t care as he watches it sparkle under the light.

Jongdae and the twins were sad they didn’t have anything for Chanyeol, but the ex-soldier assured them that he didn’t need anything else when he had the 4 of them. They all rolled their eyes at the cheesiness, before Jongdae made him promise that he would allow them to treat him to BBQ when they were all free, and the kids made sure to make some Christmas cards for their father.

They spend the rest of Christmas day cuddling and marathoning many Christmass movies, especially those Chanyeol had missed.

“Dad, how did you celebrate Christmas at war?” Chanyeol paused on rubbing Daehan’s tummy as he thought of an answer.

“I don’t.” He thinks again, “Well, we still need to be on guard; we never know when the enemies are going to attack. They may attack when we are happy celebrating, so we’re usually at the front lines still. Maybe at the end of the day, we all gather in small groups and talk, sometimes drink?”

“Oh.” Miyeon pouts, clearly upset.

“Hey, don’t worry. All the years not celebrating Christmas makes days like today very worth it.” Chanyeol finds Daehan asleep now, and the other 3 is awed by how well the toddler is sleeping suddenly.

“Maybe Dad is some kind of magic wizard that can get him to sleep.”

“Yeah, finally I can get at least 5 hours of sleep,” Jongdae sighs in relief.

“Are you going to stay with us, Dad? Like here, in this house.”

Chanyeol looks at Jongdae, “We haven’t really discussed that. Do you guys want me to?”

“OF COURSE WE DO!” They both shouted, Jongdae immediately shushing them because their brother is asleep.

“And you’re also okay if Papa and I sleep together in the same bed?”

“Of course, you’re boyfriends after all. It’s normal if you want to sleep together,” Miyeon shrugs.

“I need to settle things in Chelsea first. I was actually looking around for houses here if it worked out.”

“Seriously, Dad. Stay here. He can, right, Papa?”

“Of course he can, Jun. But it depends whether he wants to too.” All eyes on Chanyeol now, each pair anticipating the answer that they want to hear from him.

“I guess I have a place to stay in Arendelle after all.” Soft cheers erupted as Jongdae looked at him fondly and kissed his cheek.

“I love you,” he whispers into Chanyeol’s ear.

“I love you too.”

And now the twins were groaning in disgust.

* * *

Chanyeol’s contract with the company only finishes next month. Luckily for him, there was an opening for another radio station under the same company back in Arendelle, so by the time he moves back, he not only has a place to stay at, but a job ready too. Jongdae’s current house was big enough for them 5, but they did decide to buy a bigger bed for the new couple. They did move out to a new place after Jongdae’s divorce from Sehun, and the new one is already more than perfect.

“Dada!” Daehan points to a bus stop advertisement of Chanyeol’s new radio show.

"That's right, that's Dada." Chanyeol bounces him in his arms before he says, "Nana!! Huung!" 

"That's right." They see Miyeon and Junho running from the school and towards them, hugging each other tightly before they start walking to the bakery. It was still Winter, but a little warmer - the perfect weather to walk in.

"Dad, can we go buy some boba?"

"What is that?" The twins gasped and looked at each other in shock, "You don't know what that is? Then we _must_ get it so you can try it!!" Miyeon says.

"Would your father allow it?"

"You're our dad too," Junho points out. "It's just a drink, Dad. It should be fine." Chanyeol looks at the menu in confusion as his kids order readily. They even knew Jongdae's order too, and looks expectantly at Chanyeol when they're done.

"I'll order… um, chocolate milk?" He hears one of the twins groans before Miyeon says, "With boba please." They reminded Chanyeol to pay before they waited at the side for their order.

"Boba is the black circle thing?"

"Yeah! It's really nice. Papa loves it." They soon got their orders, Chanyeol saying to only drink it once they reached the bakery.

"Papa!" Daehan greets as soon as they walk through the door.

"My babies are here~" Jongdae rounds the counter and gasps when he sees the drink, "You bought some?" 

"Dad has never tried so we thought it'd be a good idea to buy!" Jongdae rolls his eyes at Miyeon’s statement, "The children tricked you good." He pecks the other's cheek before taking the toddler away from him.

"I didn't know what it was!" 

"It's an occasional treat, that's what it is. Come, let's drink."

Chanyeol thinks the boba is weird, but the milk was good, he'll give it that. Jongdae's drink was indeed the nicest, and he made a mental note to order that next time.

They ate a little before Chanyeol brought the children home. Perks of being a morning radio DJ is having the rest of the day to be with your family.

"Dad, do you know how to do this?"

Chanyeol looks over at what Junho is showing, and he frowns. 

“What is this?”

“It’s math?” Chanyeol blinks his eyes as he leans back.

“Looks complicated. I’ll try it anyway.” He gives up 3 minutes later, but it’s the effort that counts.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this monster in less than 2 months hhhh

Jongdae’s parents had actually given them a 3-day vacation for Christmas, without the kids, in the countryside, and they are able to use it anytime they want at 2-weeks notice.

_“We wanted you guys to get acquainted with each other again. We know you already have in a different way… but there’s so much to catch up in the 13 years you were apart.”_

“When do you want to take up on my parents’ offer?” Jongdae asks as he dries his hair from his shower.

“Mmm? Valentine's Day? Or is that too cheesy?” The older chuckles, “Sure, I’ll ask.” He sits beside Chanyeol as the latter flips through the channels to see if there’s anything they’d like to watch. Contrary to what people may think, although they’ve been reunited for a month, they hadn’t slept, to be blunt: have sex, together yet, and all nights have been spent with at least their shorts on. And while they did catch up with each other, there were still some things that needed to be said; there just wasn't any proper time yet.

“Where should we go?”

“When I moved, I stopped by this beautiful town, and I went back there later. It’s really beautiful, I think it’s only an hour away from here if we drive?”

“Which town is it?”

“Cheshire.”

“Ah, I’ve heard of that place. I think hyung went there before. Okay, I will text my mom.”

* * *

“Remember to behave for your grandparents, okay? Always listen to them and help them out. And help with Daehannie too.” Jongdae fusses around the kids when they dropped them off at his parents’ place.

“Papa, relax. We’ll be fine.” 

Chanyeol chuckles before he decidedly drags Jongdae away to the car for their little vacation before his boyfriend fusses around again. The kids and his family waved them goodbye as Chanyeol locked him in the car. He gives one big wave again and gets into the driver’s seat, driving off before Jongdae jumps out of the car or something (trust him, he wouldn’t be surprised if Jongdae actually pulled this off).

They reached the cabin about 90 minutes later, and settled down in the homey, rustic 2-story house.

“We can bring the kids here next time,” Jongdae looks at Chanyeol, “They’d love it.” The latter nods before circling his arms around Jongdae, “I love you, so much. God,” Chanyeol sighs, leaning his forehead on the other’s, “The last 13 years have been the hardest, but it’s so worth it. So worth it now.” He heard his boyfriend sniffle, and then felt wetness on his cheekbones, “Dae…”

“I’m sorry. Yeol, I’m really sorry,” Jongdae sobs. He couldn’t take it anymore; holding all his emotions in from the day Chanyeol came back.

“Why are you sorry, baby? There is nothing to be sorry for.”

Jongdae pulls away, “A lot of things. Should we just… rip off the band-aid and talk about us? Or do you want to relax?” Chanyeol sighs, “Let’s talk about us.”

“The days after you left, God. I hated you. I hated you so much, because we were finally reunited, and you left us… you left me, yet again, when no one wanted you gone, and you didn’t actually have to go. You left us on your own terms then, and I hated you for being so selfish, and not thinking about us. I kept wondering, ‘Why would you leave us?’, ‘Why would you leave me?’. Then I started beating myself for it. It’s because I married Sehun. It’s because I had moved on from you, while you were waiting for me all this time. It was _my_ fault you left. You had no other choice because I was with Sehun, and I couldn’t hate you after that. It was all _my_ fault, I would’ve done the same thing if I were you.” Chanyeol had wanted to say, ‘No, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just wasn’t the right time,’ but decided to keep mum, giving Jongdae the chance to say his peace. 

“I came clean to Sehun on Valentine’s Day. I felt so, so guilty, Yeol. He treated me so well, with a fancy dinner and all, that by the end of the night, I had to be cruel and ruin it all by saying I cheated on him… multiple times. We didn’t talk for a week, before he handed me divorce papers. He explained that it was not because I cheated, but more so… he knew that he couldn’t live up to you. And he said that no matter how hard he would try, it’d all go to waste, and he didn’t want to waste his time on that. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life trying to get me to even like him, when my heart’s always been yours. I couldn’t even fight him on it; I didn’t want to too. He’s right, and had every reason to feel that way. I just found out I was pregnant the same day too, but I quickly signed the papers. I didn’t want to trap Sehun in a loveless, useless marriage; and I deserve it. To be alone. Because I pushed away the one person that matters to me the most.” Jongdae cries his heart out for a while, “I was so lonely. So alone. Everywhere I looked, I hoped to see you again. But as the days go by… it felt so hopeless to even spend a second thinking about it. I couldn’t help myself though, especially every Christmas.” 

Jongdae smiles sadly, “I chased you away. The reason you left was because of me. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for that.”

The atmosphere stays quiet for a while as they both try to process their thoughts, before Chanyeol speaks up, “I don’t see why you should ever forgive yourself.” Jongdae widens his eyes as he hears those words, he feels his heart breaking into two.

“Because I don’t see what you have to forgive yourself for.” _What?_

“Jongdae. I made the decision to leave by myself. I looked for jobs elsewhere, I looked for somewhere else to stay. I did all that by myself, you didn’t chase me away. I felt like… I needed to move on from you. Dae,” he held the other’s hands, “I left because I wanted to. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t Sehun’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s. It’s my own decision, no one else made or contributed it. The reason I left is for you to be happy. And for me to find myself again.”

“But I am happy. With you, and only you. And the kids. Don’t you get it? I felt truly happy when I was with you.”

“But Dae. We were killing ourselves. Don’t you feel so… so sad with the fact that we could only be together physically? Not emotionally? I couldn’t even connect with the children well, because all I could think about is how they call Sehun their father too. It depresses me that I can’t hold you close at night, can’t feel you like I used to. I can’t even tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me without thinking about how you weren’t really mine anymore. If it wasn’t killing you, it was killing me. I never said it out loud, because I was being delusional, living in our own world that I did not want to wake up from. I never admitted it to myself either, even while I was searching for jobs and apartments outside of Arendelle.” They were quiet again, Chanyeol holding Jongdae’s hands as they both sobbed silently.

“When I found out you were pregnant, I wanted to return badly. To be there for you. To be with you. To experience something I’ve missed 10 years prior… but I couldn’t. I knew I shouldn’t, because I… It was a very long 10 years, Dae. At the field, I couldn’t even think about and for myself; I changed just like everyone else, but I didn’t really give myself the time to learn the newer me. I knew I should just stay put, even if my heart was screaming otherwise, and learn this new Park Chanyeol. I experienced new things, I learnt more things about myself that I didn’t even know possible. I discovered a lot of new things, improved on myself, not for me, but for you and the children. I knew I wanted to come back to you, so I worked on myself, Dae. Once I knew I was good and worthy enough for you, I returned.”

“You were always good enough for me. Way more than that.”

“I didn’t feel like it though. Just like Sehun… back then, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life just wallowing in the fact that I’m not good enough for you. I really wanted to work on myself before I was able to take care of the 4 of you. I’m not saying I’m perfect now, but I realised that above all us, I wanted to be with you no matter what. Be with you and the kids. It took me a while to realise that, and for that, I’m sorry. I think the time away was still good for me, but… I shouldn’t have abandoned you for so long, and I should have come home sooner.”

“It’s okay… I understand.” Jongdae straddles the taller and wraps his arms around his neck, “I think if anything… we should have had this conversation earlier. They breathed against each other as they calmed down.

“Yeah, we should have… It would’ve saved us a lot of sadness. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was leaving.”

“Why… Why didn’t you?”

“You wouldn’t have let me. And I think… I think I would’ve been weak, and stayed… I needed to go, I needed to do it. Whether I wanted to or not, I had to.” Jongdae nods before leaning his head in the crook of the other’s neck, “I understand.”

* * *

_Chanyeol stood by the end of the street. He didn’t think, literally, until his legs had brought him onto the bus and towards Arendelle. It’s been a year since he left, and even if he badly wanted to come home, he knew he wasn’t ready yet. The street was bustling with people last-minute shopping, hanging out with their family and friends despite the freezing cold weather, and Chanyeol pulls up his scarf again before he walks towards a specific destination._

_He slows down as he nears, and when he does end up in front of the bakery, he keeps himself small and out of sight. He hides himself as he tries to look inside, and when he sees it, Chanyeol forces himself not to burst through the door._

_Miyeon and Junho were happily giving out candy canes to the customers waiting around or seated at the tables, and their smiles were so contagious, their father smiled too, albeit sadly. He comes a little closer, and he finally sees the man his heart’s been missing, carrying a baby in a little wrap. The baby is already a few months old, maybe 8? And the love of his life looked adorable with his already small figure carrying a baby by the front of his body. His heart urges him to move, but his legs stand frozen (not because of the temperatures) and Chanyeol just continues to smile and stare a little before he suddenly backs away._

_Phew. He almost got caught; by Jongdae nonetheless._

_He peeks again and sees Jongdae and the kids packing up their things. Crap, they’re leaving. He doesn’t know whether to show himself or not; wanting to reunite with them but also feeling jittery and unready if they were to come together again._

_“Papa! You forgot Daehan’s bib!” Chanyeol hears Miyeon exclaim before Jongdae thanks her and they quickly get into the car. He tightens the coat around him as he watches the car drive off. Maybe another day._

* * *

“I came to see you a couple more times, but that’s about it. I guess I was still a little selfish and wanted to see you again.” Jongdae nodded his head as he listened.

“We would’ve welcomed you with open arms.”

“I know. Like I said, I was selfish, and only thought about myself.”

There was a pregnant pause for a bit, before Jongdae asked, “Do you love me?”

He took a while to answer, but Chanyeol eventually says, “Yes. I love you now, I loved you 3 years ago, 8 years ago, and I loved you 15 years ago. But…”

“But…?”

“But it’s different; they are all _different_.”

“Tell me.”

* * *

**_‘Loving you 15 years ago always felt like we were in a movie. Specifically, a scene from the movie where the cherry blossom flowers would constantly fall from the trees as we walk through the park.’_ **

“Ya! Park Chanyeol!” Jongdae chases the younger down the hall. “Give me my notes back!!”

“No can do~ You’ve been studying too much, Dae. Everyone knows you’ll ace the exams anyway. Come eat ice cream with me!”

“No, Yeollie! If you don’t give them back, I’ll break up with you!” Jongdae threatens. Chanyeol almost gave in; he knows the threat isn’t real, but still.

“Park! Kim! DETENTION.” The headmaster sounded through the hall, and the couple froze on their feet. Well, at least they got to spend time together now. 

“Baby, I’m sorry,” Chanyeol apologises as they walk out of the school after their 2-hour detention. “Haven’t you ignored me enough the last two hours?”

Jongdae spins on his feet, “No, I have not. Actually, I feel like ignoring you for the rest of my life!” Chanyeol pouts, but he never gives up. So he carries the smaller on his shoulder and marches to the ice cream uncle by the end of the street. Well, as safely as he can with Jongdae struggling out of his hold violently and screaming as loud as he can. He satiates the other by buying him his favourite ice cream, even if Jongdae was still sulking when they sat down by the river after.

“Are you still mad?”

“I don’t know, Yeol. Why don’t you tell me? We got a two-hour detention because of _you_.”

“At least… at least you got some studying done?” Jongdae glares at him for that remark, but clearly enjoying the sweet treat from his lover.

“Now we can spend some time together! Even if you’re mad at me.” They continue eating their dessert in silence, Chanyeol just blatantly staring at the other as Jongdae pointedly ignores the former, but the younger thinks it’s okay.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You can’t say things like that when I am trying to be mad!” Chanyeol laughs wholeheartedly at his boyfriend’s reply as he wipes the dripping melted ice cream from his chin.

“I’m really sorry, Dae. I just wanted to spend more time with you. I… I’m feeling quite stressed with the exams approaching and I… I needed an escape. And you’re the best one.”

Jongdae’s heart drops at that. He knows his boyfriend didn’t exactly have anyone else, Jongdae’s all he has.

“You’re my best and only source of happiness. And whenever I’m with you, I feel much lighter. The burden and stress is still there, but it isn’t as suffocating when I know I have you by my side.”

“I’m always by your side even when I’m not physically with you.”

“I know that… But it still feels… reassuring? Relieving? Whenever I see you.” Chanyeol shrugs, “I don’t really know how to explain in words.” Jongdae suddenly stands up and extends his hand, “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Let’s experience April. Look around you! The flowers are falling, baby!” Chanyeol grabs the other’s hand and stands up too. 

“I’ll race you!” Chanyeol gets a headstart as he starts running first, his boyfriend following and whining right behind. They both ran through the falling petals, thankful there weren't many people there since they were also throwing the flowers at each other like they were snowballs. They ended up at the edge of the park, where there was a huge pile of flowers accumulated.

“Shall we?” Chanyeol smiles widely as he gets what his boyfriend was hinting at and holds his hand. They both braced themselves and then jumped straight into the pile, flowers and leaves alike flying around them like a scene from a cartoon movie.

As they both lay there, happy and blissed out by the turn of events, they looked at each other with huge smiles on their faces.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“And I love you most.”

**_‘Loving you 8 years ago feels like that last day of summer before I had to go. At the field… you’ll never know what might happen. That bittersweet feeling when you felt like you’ve lived your life to the fullest, yet simultaneously grasping onto more time. I felt that everyday.’_ **

Chanyeol finds Jongdae sitting on the log by the river, hands together and looking distracted.

“Hey babe.”

“Hello.”

“You alright?”

“I….

“Hey.” Chanyeol held the other hands. “I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to go either, but I don’t have a choice, Jongdae.” The smaller one starts sobbing in his arms as Chanyeol hugs him tightly.

“If… If I don’t come back, please. Please be happy. For me.”

“N-no… No, Yeollie. You have to come back. And you will.” Chanyeol smiles sadly at the other.

“Thank you. For the last few years. When I had no one, you came to me. Ever since then… _ah_ ,” Chanyeol sighs, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you too.”

“You’re my happiness. You’re the sun to my flower. And the bee to my honey.” Jongdae laughs at how sappy his boyfriend is being.

“You became my everything. I want you to have everything under the sun, but I might not be able to give you as much as I’d love to.”

“If I don’t come back, Jongdae… Please continue to live your life without me. That’s all I want. I want my happiness to have his own.”

When Jongdae doesn’t say anything, Chanyeol kisses his temple for a long while, “We still have tonight. Let’s make the most out of it.”

“I’ll fight for you always.”

“Yeah? I’ll wait for you here, always.”

Chanyeol remembers those six words as he clutches the small Jongdae picture he had brought with him. ‘I’ll never stop fighting for you.’

“Soldier Park! Break’s over.” Chanyeol stands up at attention and keeps the picture in the pocket above his heart, “Yes, Sir.” He goes out to the field head first.

-

**_‘Loving you 3 years ago was… it was a drastic change. Just like how fast the temperature falls from day to night in autumn. The love I felt for you was both warm and cold at the same time. It never wavered, even with the years we spent apart, but I also found out that I couldn’t have you like I used to. The worst feeling of all is that you still felt the same for me too. But everything’s different, even before I came home. I realised loving you then and loving you years ago were going to be very different.’_ **

“Go away.”

“Dae please, don’t be like this.” Jongdae had a fit of cough then, and was too weak to fight back. Chanyeol takes this chance to slip into his room, two bags of food by his sides. “I got you some soup. Lay back down, baby.”

“Why are you here?” His boyfriend groggily asks.

“I’m your boyfriend, and boyfriends take care of you when you’re sick.” Jongdae pouts and lays back down on his bed, and Chanyeol comes to his side and pulls a chair beside it. He scoops some soup and brings the spoon to Jongdae’s mouth, and the latter, being the stubborn one, turns away.

“It’s from your favourite~”

The sick person snarks back, “Why don’t you feed Eunwoo?” 

Not this again.

“Baby, Eunwoo is just a colleague. He’s single, yes, and very straight. Love girls. Not guys. I know that for sure. I’ve already said it so many times.” Jongdae continues ignoring him by turning towards the other side and closing his eyes, and Chanyeol knew it was a lost cause. He places the bowl on the table and goes on the other side of the bed, not before getting his medicine and some water.

“Eat your meds at least, please.” Ignored. “Dae.” He gets ignored again and Chanyeol sighs. Putting those down, he climbs in beside the older and places an arm over the other’s body. “That’s fine, we can just sleep it off.”

“Go. Away.” Chanyeol wasn’t going to, and it seems like he doesn’t even need to do anything when he hears light snoring from the other.

Jongdae wakes up an hour later, and the first thing he sees is his boyfriend sleeping peacefully by his side. The food is now long gone, he sniffles and sits up to go to the washroom and wash his face.

“Babe?” He hears, and leaves the washroom to see Chanyeol now awake, with his pills and water in hand. “Now you need to eat some food, but if you don’t, at least eat these pills.” Just then, Jongdae’s stomach growls, so his boyfriend puts down the pills and gets up. “I will reheat some soup and rice, how does that sound?”

It must’ve sounded good, when Jongdae downs the entire meal in 2 minutes. 

“Want some more?” He shakes his head, but hesitates. Chanyeol knows him too well and goes down to get more food.

After making sure he had eaten the food and medicine, they washed up together. Jongdae would have fought that, but really, he misses Chanyeol and his back rubs. They cuddled in bed soon after, and a thought suddenly came into the older man’s mind, “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, your mom gave me some food. She said you wouldn’t eat hers.”

“I’m not in the mood for meat. It makes me want to puke.” Chanyeol knows that, of course he does. Why do you think he came with rice and soup from his favourite restaurant? They were Jongdae’s ultimate comfort food. They stayed silent for a while, and Jongdae decided to address the elephant in the room. Well, more like he felt a little emotional with his flu, and started sobbing there and then.

The younger hugs the smaller even tighter, “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“W-we fought and… and you still love me?”

“Of course I still love you.”

“Even after the things I said yesterday?” Sure, it was a nasty fight; the same fight that resulted in Jongdae waking up with the flu.

“Your words did hurt, it really felt like you didn’t trust me all of the sudden. But I understand where it could’ve looked wrong,” Chanyeol pauses. “I talked to Eunwoo about it, and he said he will back off.”

“Fuck, that’s embarassing. I’m the resident jealous boyfriend now.”

“He also felt that he crossed the line, and understood too. Don’t worry, baby. I still love you, and I will for the rest of our lives and after.”

“Fuck that. I’m the resident worst boyfriend in the whole of Arendelle.” Jongdae climbs over the other and places his head on the crook of the other’s neck, “I’m sorry, Yeollie.” 

“Apology accepted. Just don’t get angry like that ever again, okay? Trust me. I don’t want anyone else other than you. That is never going to change, even when the years go by.”

-

**_‘Loving you now is like winter. Not necessarily with the weather, but rather the occasions that come with the season. Even with the cold temperatures and gloomy weather, Christmas and New Year make up for it, you know? The feeling of being with your loved ones in such a festive season, warms you up just enough to make you forget about all the gloom. Loving you now, after everything that we’ve been through, and adapting to all these changes, makes me feel very warm and giddy, and then the feeling of Spring comes again.’_ **

“Dad!” Daehan comes running in, “Papa is angry.”

Chanyeol swallows, and whispers, “What did you do?”

“It’s not me! It’s hyung, he-” Just before Daehan could explain, a very, very pregnant Jongdae walks into the room, “Where is Junho.” The youngest (for now) hides behind his other father’s knees as Chanyeol tries to soothe the older man.

“Want some hot chocolate, baby?”

“Where. Is. Junho?”

“I… I don’t know where he could be. What’s wrong?”

“Papa, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Jongdae turns sharply (very cutely if you ask Chanyeol, with his huge bump and all), and glares at Junho, waiting for an explanation.

“I was trying to place the drink on the piano but it accidentally spilled over the keys! I didn’t mean to spill it!”

“And I told you countless times not to drink near your piano. Do you know how expensive it is?”

“I know, Papa, I’m sorry!”

“Hey now,” Chanyeol carries sweet Daehan into his arms and steps in between Jongdae and Junho, facing the latter. “Let’s see what the damage is, okay?”

It was nothing Chanyeol couldn’t fix; seeing as he had many experiences with water and piano. The piano can’t be played for a couple of days though, and Jongdae was still a little on edge.

“Hey Jun, bring your brother upstairs with you,” Chanyeol tells his son, who nodded his head and bright Daehan upstairs with him.

“Come.” Chanyeol taps his lap, and Jongdae slowly sits on them and they circle their arms around each other.

“Sorry. I overreacted.”

“No. I’d be upset too. Heck, the only reason I know how to fix it is through learning it myself because I couldn’t afford a piano repairman. Your feelings are justified. I was mad at myself a lot of times because of the same thing too.” Chanyeol rubs the back of his pregnant boyfriend as Jongdae leans against him.

“Are you sure you can fix it?”

“A 100%. Besides, it’s only a couple of keys. I should fix them ASAP though, so get your cute butt off my lap.”

“You asked me to sit on you!”

“Ooh, kinky. Rain check for tonight?” Chanyeol winks as the other man rolls his eyes at the joke.

Jongdae did apologise to their older son later that night, and Chanyeol managed to salvage the piano the next day, so all they have to do now is prepare for tomorrow. 

Christmas.

* * *

_Well, not quite yet._

“Good morning~” Chanyeol sings sleepily as he rubs the bump and leans in to kiss the other’s cheek.

“Morning,” Jongdae stretches himself on the bed and turns to his boyfriend. “Our first Christmas together as a family.”

“We celebrated together last year?”

“Officially. Last year you came a little late, and it was just not feeling… complete? Let’s treat last year as Year 0.”

“And then next year, we’re going to have this little one here~ I love you so much.”

“And I, you,” Jongdae kisses Chanyeol on the lips before getting up, “We do need to prepare breakfast before the kids wake up though.”

“Can’t we have a quick one in?”

“Are you kidding? Chaerin’s about to burst out of me at any second and you’re thinking about wanting to have sex?” Jongdae scolds, before rolling his eyes.

“Noted,” Chanyeol gulps, before walking behind Jongdae as they head into the kitchen.

“Santa! Santa!” Daehan sings and turns to Jongdae, “Papa, I’m a good boy, right? I’m going to get soooo many presents!” The little boy dances around the living room as they gathered in for an afternoon movie.

“That’s right~ You have to continue being a good boy though! Santa isn’t here yet so he may change his mind!” Jongdae says as he settles down on the sofa, but above all, he was glaring at his two older twins, so they don't say anything about Santa not being real.

“Hyung and noona will have so many presents too! Oh?” Daehan stops to ponder, “But hyung spill drink all over piano? Bad?”

“People make mistakes and accidents happen, Hannie. It’s okay,” Chanyeol comes in with the popcorn and lies beside his boyfriend. 

“Remember kids, one movie, then we have to go get ready for dinner at your grandparents’.”

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” They all greeted each other as they stepped into the house.

“Hyung looks like the baby is going to come out tomorrow.”

“Shut up, Nini.”

“Nini-samchon, UP!” Daehan adores Jongin, and will always stick by him whenever they are together.

“Let’s finally take a full family picture! Come on everyone.” Jongdae’s mom gathered every member of the Kim’s together and hugged them close. Chanyeol puts his arm around the pregnant man’s waist as the kids go to the front, and with the very advanced technology of self-timers, they managed to take a gorgeous picture.

Opening presents ensued and the children, especially the youngest, were extremely excited with their new toys and books.

“Papa, did you see? Uncle Nini got me some play-doh!”

“Yeah, thanks Jongin,” his brother says in a clipped tone. “I’m sure it’d be very fun to clean that off the carpet.”

“You’re welcome, bro! The best for the maknae!”

“For now~” Jongdae pats his tummy, before seeing the twins scream about their new tablets. One each. That’s right. Jongdae wants to say more but didn’t want to ruin the kids’ excitement, but by the long glance he gives Chanyeol, they were on the same page about limited time with the devices.

“Don’t use it too much, okay?” His father says, before turning to Jongdae and Chanyeol with an apologetic look.

“I bet Dad got Papa another charm again!”

“Wouldn’t that be so wrong?” Chanyeol asks as Jongdae did open the box to another charm, _surprise, surprise_. This time, it was a small silver infinity sign, and Jongdae almost tears up at that.

“Shall I put it on for you?” Chanyeol kneels on the floor and brings up Jongdae’s right leg, placing it on his knee as he attaches the charm onto the anklet. The chain and charms sparkles brightly (Jongdae did get it cleaned a couple of days ago), and Chanyeol puts his leg down.

No one could process what happens next fast enough when a simple, but elegant ring suddenly appears in Chanyeol’s hand, and Jongdae shrieks.

“MY WATER BROKE!”

“WHAT?!” The entire family stood up and scurried around; the twins comforting their crying brother, who got scared by his father’s screaming and shouting, and Chanyeol shakily closing the velvet box as fast as he could and helping his boyfriend stand up.

“U-um, the hospital bag is already in the car,” Chanyeol supplies, as he half-carries Jongdae to the vehicle.

“Minseok, drive,” their mother orders, “We’ll stay back with the kids and clean up.”

* * *

 _Kim-Park Chaerin_ was born just a little after Christmas, a healthy 3.6kg.

“It’s probably from all the food Jongdae eats- OW!” Chanyeol tries to joke as Jongdae’s mother holds the newborn baby. He guesses Jongdae was healthy enough to inflict a very painful pinch on him.

“No more. No more kids. My stomach is ugly from all the C-sections and stretching,” Jongdae pouts.

“Baby, you’re beaut-”

“Shut up, Chanyeol.”

“Okay.” Jongdae held the newborn in his arms again as he heard the other three kids come rolling in, Chanyeol making sure they were careful enough climbing onto the bed.

“Baby?”

“Yes, it’s the baby, Han.” Daehan looks at Jongdae’s flatter stomach and furrows his brows, “No more?”

“No more. Here, the baby is here. Your dongsaeng. Chaerin.”

“She’s so small~” Junho comments. Miyeon gently brings her finger up to the newborn’s cheek, “She’s so soft too.” That had triggered Daehan but luckily, Jongdae’s quick reflexes guided the curious toddler’s hands gently, grateful Chanyeol had just cut his nails two days ago.

“Papa, we haven’t given Dad our present yet,” Junho points out.

“Did you bring it?” Miyeon nods as she presents a big envelope to her father, “Open it, Dad!”

Chanyeol was not expecting anything, especially in a hospital room, and he slowly opened the envelope. Why did they look nervous?

**_Kim-Park Junho._ **

**_Kim-Park Miyeon._ **

**_Kim-Park Daehan._ **

Was all Chanyeol registered in his mind before he falls on his knees and starts sobbing.

“Yeollie…” 

All the kids scrambled to his side as they hugged him from every corner they could, with the youngest helpfully rubbing the other’s broad back.

“Do you like it, Dad?”

In between sobs, Chanyeol nods, “I.. I lo-love it. Thank you... I l-love you guys s-so much.”

“You don’t need to thank us, Channie. You’re already their father,” Jongdae’s eyes start to get glassy, “It’s the only right and best thing to happen sooner or later.”

* * *

Chanyeol wakes up hours later on Jongdae’s bed, since they had both wanted to sleep together and the Doctor allowed them to, to see the other already awake.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” Chanyeol asks, his mind still groggy and half-awake. Jongdae didn’t say anything else, but he did bring the ring from last night to his line of sight, and Chanyeol finally gets it.

“I didn’t even ask you yet.”

“Okay, so ask me.”

“I just woke up~” Chanyeol whines and buries his face into the other’s neck, “I want this to be special, just for you. I want it to be the right time.”

“Baby, there’s never a right time. Look at us. We were together, then separated for years, only to reunite and part again. The right time for us is every single second we get to be together, because these moments are precious.”

Chanyeol looks up, “That’s fucking cheesy.”

“But you like it,” Jongdae pouts.

“I love it.” The younger captures the other’s lips in a deep and intimate kiss, before pulling away, along with the ring.

“Kim Jongdae, every single day, you make me feel like the luckiest man alive. Even if it did take almost 15 long years, there’s never a day I regretted loving you. Will you marry me?”

“We promised each other… _No matter how long it takes_. Yes, Park Chanyeol. There’s never a doubt I’d say otherwise.”

* * *

Jongdae gets the happy ending he yearned for after all. His own happy little family with the love of his life, 4 very beautiful children that he still ensures get the best of everything they needed, and the man he had wanted to hold for just one more second once upon a time, he gets to hold in his arms forever.

Jongdae smiles and holds up both their hands, simple rings donned on their fingers, reminding them of the vows they had taken a while back. There was no doubt they wanted to get married more than anything else, so they officiated their marriage on New Year’s Day, right in the bakery surrounded by their loved ones.

They looked at each other as they both laid on the bed. They decided their lives had been busy, dramatic, and chaotic enough to last them a lifetime, and a week after they married Chaerin off, they moved to a small house somewhere in the countryside, away from the city.

“We lived a good life didn’t we?”

“Yes, we did. Together.”

“Together. Who knew, huh?”

“Yeah.” The couple shuffled on the bed, foreheads against and arms entangled around each other, breathing the same small space.

“I love you so much. Thank you, Channie, for everything,” Jongdae sniffles. 

“I love you too. So, so very much. Thank you, my love. For giving me another chance. For giving me another chance at us and the kids. I’m very happy and content to have seen them grow beautifully with you.”

They looked at each other one last time; both pairs of eyes glassy, and Jongdae wipes the stray tear that fell from the other’s eye.

_“I’m always yours, and you’ll always be mine.”_

_“Till we meet again, no matter how long it takes.”_

They didn’t have to wait for another lifetime after all, to be buried side-by-side. Maybe Destiny had jolly well just taken her own sweet time, for they were meant to be as lovers in every lifetime together.


End file.
